- Selina Meyer: Well, the history books are being rewritten, and this time, it's not Texas saying Satan made fossils.
- Selina Meyer: Hello, Marjorie.
- Marjorie Palmiotti: [blunt speech, emotionless as always] I'm sorry to be so hysterical, but we have a situation.
- Selina Meyer: What are you talking about?
- Marjorie Palmiotti: Catherine's on bed rest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix.
- Selina Meyer: Well, why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?
- Amy Brookheimer: Leon West has Mike's diary!
- Mike McLintock: Amy, you promised!
- Selina Meyer: What? What, Mike? What have you and your 47 tangled chromosomes done?
- Roger Furlong: All right, Will, take the ball and tell 'em why.
- Will: Balls are the only thing keeping me from choking on cocks.