- Janet: Hi, there! We have a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis.
- Michael: [worried] A category 55 emergency doomsday crisis?
- Janet: Mm-hmm.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Sorry, what is a category 55 emergency doomsday crisis?
- Michael: It's nothing. It's a tiny little inconvenience. Tahani, dear, could you show us to a private room where no one can see or hear us, even if I yell very loudly out of fear?
- Eleanor Shellstrop: [Chidi enters the house] Finally! Let's get back to it. Whip out that chalkboard, big boy, show me what you're working with.
- Chidi Anagonye: Actually, I was going to head into town and pick up some... blankets.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: Great. I'll grab my sweater. I can practice letting people cut in front of me.
- Chidi Anagonye: You know, uh, I just realized that I have blankets, so I'm going to take a nap using the several blankets that I already have. Good night.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. What's wrong? Out with it.
- Chidi Anagonye: I'm just tired, need a break. No big deal.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: The way you're talking to me right now? "Everything's cool, no big deal", I know that move. When I told a boyfriend something was "no big deal", it meant anything from "I just bought weed from your nephew" to "I secretly befriended your ex-girlfriend last year, things got out of hand, and now I'm her bridesmaid".
- Chidi Anagonye: They're gonna catch us! This is an extremely precarious situation! I am vexed, Eleanor!
- Eleanor Shellstrop: A marriage counselor and a human lie detector isn't my first choice for company, either. But they have no reason to suspect us! Plus, I think they may have actually just come here to, you know, swing. I say we do it. It'll get 'em to stop asking questions.
- Chidi Anagonye: No, I am not going to have sex with someone to get them to stop talking to me!
- Eleanor Shellstrop: Really? You and I are very different.
- Eunice: I was so sorry to hear of your parents' passing. Please bear with me as I share their last will and testament. "To Kamilah, we have left £68 million, the home in Kensington, the yacht, and other assorted weekend boats."
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Well, what did they leave their second favorite child?
- Eunice: There's still quite a lot of, um, money and property that goes to you. There is one issue, however. They have, um, spelled your name incorrectly in the will.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: You've got to be kidding me.
- Eunice: It says "We bequeath the rest of our estate to Tahini." Like the sauce.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: You know what? I don't want the money. My sister can have it all. My whole life, I have lived in your shadow, but now I'm going to step out of it. I am going to achieve heights of success and sophistication that you can only dream of.
- Kamilah Al-Jamil: Your cardigan's on inside out.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: I know! It's a new trend that I'm starting. Just one example of how I'm going to step out of your shadow.