- Brendan Proctor: Ma, don't wake me up in the morning, I can sleep in. I got suspended - not my fault. I was playing with my lighter and some kid got his book in my fire.
- Rebecca Bunch: Me seeing you on that bridge, that was a sign that we should be together.
- Greg Serrano: I wanna believe that. I do, but that's not how life works, Rebecca. There are no signs. Life doesn't happen to you, you make decisions. And right now I'm deciding to move forward with my life.
- Greg Serrano: I love you, yes, and I'll confess the thought of staying is so enticing.
- Rebecca Bunch: Then stay.
- Greg Serrano: And when you speak, my knees get weak. I can't believe what I'm sacrificing! But let's get real, we know the deal. So darling, let's not tiptoe. This thing we had was not just bad, it was a shit show.
- Greg Serrano: We can't undo, can't make amends. Dysfunction is our lingua franca. We can't unscrew each other's friends - we're Jerry Springer not Casablanca. There's hard-to-get, then there's neglect - to say it's fate, you'd have to be a bit slow! Not to be crass, but this sucks ass. This was a shit show.
- Greg Serrano: Chernobyl next to us looks like a campfire! Hurricane Katrina was just bad weather! We have chemistry, of course, but that's a formula for divorce. A play about pieces of feces is what we are together!
- Rebecca Bunch: What's wrong with me? Why doesn't anyone want me? Josh dumped me and then Greg abandoned me.
- Paula Proctor: Okay, that is not the situation.
- Rebecca Bunch: Yes, it is! He left and he called our relationship feces!
- Paula Proctor: Okay, well maybe he didn't, you know, use the best words, but that's why he's going back to school.