- [first lines]
- Jughead Jones: [narrating voice over] Weekdays, from 8:25am to 3:01pm we adhere to a strict regimen. Everything in our lives is controlled, but then something like the murder of Jason Blossom happens and you realize, there is no such thing as control, there is only chaos. Nevertheless, some of us strive to impose and maintain order, in what is, fundamentally, an orderless world. A fact which would very soon be confirmed, in ways none of us could have foreseen.
- Jughead Jones: Archie, as my blood-brother, it was your sole responsibility to ensure that something like this never happened on my birthday. And now we're here. In the middle of a Seth Rogen movie.
- Cheryl Blossom: You're late. Veronica, we've already reviewed the new choreography for homecoming. That means you'll be in the back where your presence will cause the least amount of damage.
- Veronica Lodge: With you front and center, no doubt.
- Cheryl Blossom: But of course. I do have the maddest skills on this squad.
- Veronica Lodge: And because you're a Blossom, we just have to accept whatever you say as gospel truth?
- Cheryl Blossom: You're welcome to challenge me, Veronica. But you'll lose.
- Veronica Lodge: We live in a democratic society, Cheryl. So let's let the Vixens decide who"s cherry on top.
- Cheryl Blossom: [smiles] Challenge accepted.
- Veronica Lodge: Okay.
- Cheryl Blossom: Never cross a Lodge. Come on, girls.
- [new squad leader leads away her troops]
- Veronica Lodge: [takes it out on her posse] You catatonic bimbos didn't even vote. So you stuttering sap-heads are too dim to exercise your own rights... and you've got the combined vocabulary of a baked potato. Consider this your last practice as River Vixens and your last week as my social handmaidens. You're fired, on all fronts. That's all. Shoo, bitches!
- Betty Cooper: Why must everything be so gloom and doom with you, Jughead? Why can't you just be normal?
- Jughead Jones: I'm not normal. I'm not wired to be normal.
- Jughead Jones: In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit it, and I don't... wanna fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird.
- Cheryl Blossom: Moving on... to dear Daddy Lodge. Isn't it true that your father, from prison, illegally purchased the drive-in land? Which makes me wonder, what else is he doing from behind bars?
- Veronica Lodge: Well, I can't speak for my father, but I can think of someone with a very dirty secret. Specifically, Cheryl killing her very own brother.
- Cheryl Blossom: Everyone knows how much I loved my brother.
- Veronica Lodge: Exactly. But did you love him maybe in ways that a sister shouldn't love her brother? And as you got older, Jason started to think it was strange, unnatural... So he chose Polly over you. So you shot him between the eyes with one of your father's many hunting rifles.