- Johnny Carson: The first person that can tell me the color of the hat they're wearing, and explain how they arrived at that, gets the job.
- Johnny Carson: [seeing Doc raise his hand following a pause] OK - alright, let Doc go first.
- Doc Severinsen: There has to be - uh, one person is wearing a red hat.
- Johnny Carson: You're either wearing a red or a black hat.
- Doc Severinsen: Right. Well, I see two black hats, and I figure one of 'em's got to be red, so it must be mine.
- Johnny Carson: No. No, that's not true. I didn't say you were wearing a red hat; you are wearing either a red or a black hat.
- Ed McMahon: What do you think, Tom?
- Tommy Newsom: Uh, one of us has got a black hat on.
- Ed McMahon: By the way, Tom, I like your hat.
- Tommy Newsom: Thanks. I think it's your hat, too.
- Johnny Carson: Now, does anybody...
- Tommy Newsom: Yeah, my hat is black.
- Johnny Carson: How do you know?
- Tommy Newsom: Because Doc just said it was.
- Johnny Carson: [after laughter] ... That's not the way to deduct it!
- Gore Vidal: What I try to do is write a book that no one else has written, that I would like to read had somebody else written it.
- Gore Vidal: The people who are always banning books are the ones who are absolutely incapable of reading one.