- Chanel #3: Were there any sex toys in their nightstand? I don't trust anyone who doesn't have at least one sex toy in their nightstand.
- Chanel Oberlin: You wouldn't understand, #5, I mean, you've never had a boyfriend.
- Chanel #5: Yes, I have. His name was Tyler and he was murdered, like *3 weeks* ago!
- Chanel #3: So much weird stuff happens to us, I can honestly say I totally forgot about that.
- Ingrid Hoffel: She's braindead. Even a Republican legislature in Florida would be cool with us pulling the plug.
- Chanel Oberlin: Dr. Cascade needs you in the E.R. Something about the joke you told him. He remembers the punchline but he can't remember the setup.
- Chanel Oberlin: Good evening, Dr. Hot. Is your hand duct taped to your leg?
- Dr. Brock Holt: Why yes, it is, yeah.
- Chanel Oberlin: Kinky!
- [Chanel and Dr. Brock have their first dinner-date]
- Chanel Oberlin: So enough about me and that time I punched Donna Karan in the face. Tell me about you; I mean, I don't know anything about you. Like how old you are, where you're from, or... how old you are. Tell me about your family. Do you have any siblings? Or did... did they all die of polio?
- Chanel #3: I don't think I can make a future with a guy who's actually dead. Am I supposed to raise little half-dead/half-alive children?
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were prejudice against dead people.
- Chanel #3: Everyone is. I'm just willing to admit it.
- Chanel Oberlin: #3, #5, Neckbrace, my dear, sweet idiots, I need some advice. You know how Brock's hand sometimes tries to kill me because he got it off a murderer?
- Chanel #5: WHAT?
- Chanel #3: Um no, you never told us that.
- Chanel Oberlin: Okay, well it does and he did.
- Chanel #3: You're like Kill Bill or that dude who got his head smushed in on Game of Thrones. Were you ever hit in the head really hard while you were training?
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: All the time. You know Karate Kid? They modeled the guy who ran Cobra Kai after my sensei.
- Ingrid Hoffel: I need Dr. Holt's password.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: Password? Which one?
- Ingrid Hoffel: It doesn't matter, most Americans use the same password for everything.
- Chanel #3: I just wanna help you be a better person, mainly getting you to stop murdering people. I know I'm the last person to help someone be a better person since I'm admittedly not a very good or nice person myself, but I'm not a killer. So I know I can at least help you try to not be that.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: Wait, so I'm not actually dead? I'm alive? Thank God, I'm still alive! But wait, how do you explain how cold I am?
- Chanel #3: People psychosomatically manifest symptoms of a disease if they truly believe they have it. They've been known to develop tumorous skin conditions or even paralysis.
- Chanel #5: Also, you sleep in a waterbed next to a giant air conditioner.
- Nurse Schultz: They made me a Chanel! Yeah, I didn't know what that meant either, but I think it just means being a bitch all the time.
- [Brock enters Cathy's office, drenched in blood]
- Dr. Brock Holt: I need to talk to you.
- Cathy Munsch: Is that your blood?
- Dr. Brock Holt: No.
- Cathy Munsch: Is it the blood of someone who could be "referred to" as a murder victim?
- Dr. Brock Holt: No.
- Cathy Munsch: Last question. Is it the blood of someone who is vital to you performing this very important surgery that I am counting on you to perform?
- Dr. Brock Holt: No, it's the blood of a patient. I was doing a simple knee-replacement and my hand got all cuckoo and stabbed a patient in the femoral artery.
- Dr. Brock Holt: There was this song my au pair sang to me when I was a kid. She sang it to me when she put me to bed and it always calmed me down and helped my sleep.
- Chanel Oberlin: Okay, what's the song? The Chanels and I will sing it to you.
- Dr. Brock Holt: 99 Red Balloons.
- Chanel #5: That song came out in 1983, which would mean you would probably be about 20. Why did you have an au pair?
- Dr. Brock Holt: See, the problem is the more stressed out I get, the more stressed out *the hand* gets. And the hand used to belong to a serial killer, so when it gets stressed, it gets scary - and lately, it's gotten a lot worse. See, the hand likes to do whatever it wants and I think it's figured out that the more worn out I get, the harder it is to control, so all it has to do is keep me tired.
- Chanel Oberlin: I already have someone trying to murder me at work! It is the last thing I need when I'm sitting down for an elegant, salty dinner and romantic bone sesh!
- Cathy Munsch: We are one dead body away from being revealed as the hospital where patients come, get cured and then are *brutally murdered* by a serial killer! Now, I would much rather we were known as the site of the most high-profile surgical procedures in the last decade.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: I can't go if you're watching.
- Chanel #3: We need to test your urine. Patients with Guittard's tend to have a high serum concentration of CMMG and weak renal functions.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: But do you actually have to WATCH me give the sample?
- Chanel #5: We need to be sure that you're not pulling a Lance Armstrong and secretly giving us someone else's pee.
- Chanel #3: I didn't give him all the results. According to the testing, not only is Dr. Cassidy Cascade more likely to wanna be in the front during spooning, he's also a psychopath. And his most likely profession: a serial killer.
- Chanel #3: I just wonder if you could maybe not kill Chanel.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: See, I get that but I have to tell you that's kind of controlling.
- Chanel #3: Maybe I'll just have to turn you in.
- Dr. Cassidy Cascade: Well, maybe I'll just have to kill you.
- Dr. Brock Holt: I know why you're doing this. You're trying to get back at me. You're jealous because I picked Chanel over you.
- Cathy Munsch: That is absolutely correct! Because if you were screwing me, in the way that a woman like myself requires in her voracious, juicy dowdidge, then you wouldn't find yourself in this predicament. But you're not. So I *am* screwing you.
- Dr. Brock Holt: I'm the greatest surgeon who ever lived, I can do this surgery with one hand tied behind my back. In fact... that's exactly what I'm going to do.