- Penny Hofstadter: Hang on, what if Sheldon had no choice but to be respectful?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Is there a switch on the back of his neck we don't know about?
- Sheldon Cooper: The revisions I made start on page four.
- Penny Hofstadter: Wow, that is a lot of "whereupons".
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You should see the Valentine's Day card he gave me.
- Raj Koothrappali: [Raj has just refused to see Emily] That was rough, you guys.
- Penny Hofstadter: I know, but you did it. I'm so proud of you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Anyway, I'll leave you to your girls' night.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you sure you don't want to stay here with us?
- Raj Koothrappali: No, I kind of feel like being alone right now.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Well, if you change your mind, we'll be here.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you.
- Penny Hofstadter: [as Raj leaves] Say hi to Emily for us.
- Raj Koothrappali: Will do!
- Howard Wolowitz: What's to think about? We have an invention and want to move forward.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howie, you are about to form a legal partnership with Sheldon Cooper.
- Howard Wolowitz: All right, if you are going to calmly make excellent points, then I don't know if I want to talk to you. OK, I get it, and it's sweet that you're worried about me, but I can take care of myself.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm not worried about you; I'm worried about me. I don't want to go through this pregnancy listening to you complain about Sheldon driving you crazy more than you already do.
- Howard Wolowitz: Here we go with the ironclad logic again.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You've had to work with him before; it hasn't gone well. Why is this time going to be any different?
- Howard Wolowitz: Is the fetus helping you? cause that's cheating.
- Sheldon Cooper: Any contract I sign is enforced by my own personal code of ethics.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And his obsessive-compulsive disorder.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, that too. And scoot over; part of your shadow's on my spot.
- Howard Wolowitz: This contract looks good to me.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll say it looks good. It's in my proprietary font, Shelvetica.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I want to say something obnoxious, but it is easy on the eyes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Sounds like a, uh, contract might be in order.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure; we could write something up.
- Sheldon Cooper: But which one of us should be the party who...
- Howard Wolowitz: You can do it, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: So stipulated!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Once I found a stash of contracts under his bed. It was weird.
- [first lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: OK, I gotta ask: why are you wearing a bow tie?
- Sheldon Cooper: I've never applied for a patent before; I wanted to make a good impression.
- Howard Wolowitz: The impression that your first name is Pee-wee?
- [Leonard laughs]
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, well, you're an engineer. End of joke. Burn.
- Tim: Come on in, fellows.
- Howard Wolowitz: See, he's not wearing a tie.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, he's a patent attorney; maybe his tie is pending.
- Howard Wolowitz: Can you imagine if we make money with this?
- Leonard Hofstadter: If we do, I am splurging on the best sinus irrigator money can buy.
- Howard Wolowitz: That old sad story: a guy gets a little money, it goes straight up his nose.
- Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon, did you draw up the contract?
- Sheldon Cooper: You bet I did.
- Penny Hofstadter: [to Amy] Ooh. You're going to make out so hard tonight.
- [last lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: [in car on phone] I hear what you're saying, but... I've known Emily a long time, and I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt.
- Claire: All right, it's your life, but you know how this is going to end.
- Raj Koothrappali: As a matter of fact I do. I'm going to comfort her because I'm a caring and decent friend who's happy to be there when she needs someone to talk to.
- [cut to Raj and Emily in bed]
- Raj Koothrappali: Good talk.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hey, Leonard.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: If she doesn't think that we should apply for this patent, she's being "patently" absurd.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Good one.
- Sheldon Cooper: OK, you got it. See, I was afraid it was a thinker.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's the thought that counts.
- Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, yeah, beauty's on the inside, size doesn't matter. How much she spend?
- Sheldon Cooper: I just hope that this scholarship can rescue your child from the subpar education and menial life of an engineer.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: What? I didn't sign it yet.
- Howard Wolowitz: Article 3. As it pertains to this project, Dr. Sheldon Cooper promises to abstain from all insulting or disrespectful language directed toward Howard Wolowitz, including but not limited to mockery of engineering, his height, his hair, his wardrobe, and his insane belief that the Ghost Rider movie was "not that bad".
- Claire: Let me guess. The worst part about breaking up is she doesn't have her best friend to talk to any more.
- Raj Koothrappali: That's exactly what she said! How do you know that?
- Claire: I'm a girl. It's like page one out of the playbook.
- Raj Koothrappali: Any chance you could send me a PDF of that playbook?
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me! I've been drafting contracts since kindergarten. Didn't need a lawyer to get me out of finger painting; don't need one now.