iZombie (TV Series)
The Whopper (2016)
David Anders: Blaine DeBeers
Photos
Quotes
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[Blaine gets a visit from his father's domestic help Frieda Baker]
Frieda Bader : Still the insolent boy.
Blaine DeBeers : I blame my upbringing. Clearly, I wasn't beaten enough as a child.
Frieda Bader : It remains my greatest regret.
Blaine DeBeers : Really? So you're over losing out to Eva Braun, huh?
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[Blaine and Freida Bader listen to his father's will, as the father states Frieda will receive $10 million]
Angus DeBeers : [on the television] To my dear friend, Frieda Bader, who has served me loyally for 35 years, I leave $10 million and the Lake Como estate.
Blaine DeBeers : And why not? She only starved your son to punish him for tracking in mud. Gave away his dog when he was caught shoplifting bubblegum.
Frieda Bader : And you still believe that, shedding barking mutt was given away. You never wondered why the rose bush in the south garden grew so fast and full?
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[Blaine and Chief stand over the coffin Major's nailed shut in]
Blaine DeBeers : [Major continues to thump for help] Should we see what he wants? I sure don't want my hole to go to waste.
Blaine DeBeers : [Blaine gets a text message from Chief] Yeah, Chief, 'That's what she said.'
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[Zombie Jeremy Chu calls Blaine with a complaint about the brain he sold him]
Jeremy Chu : These brains, man. You handed me a Holocaust survivor. Do you want me to describe some of my visions to you.
Blaine DeBeers : She was a classical violinist. Go out and impress some ladies.
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[Don E. and Chief wish Blaine a happy birthday]
Don Everhart : [Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...
Blaine DeBeers : It's not my birthday, Don E!
Don Everhart : ...Brain!
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[Blaine gets reacquainted with the tied-up Major at Blaine's funeral home]
Blaine DeBeers : What do you think of my latest business venture? Your girlfriend gives it her old zombie stamp of approval.
Major Lilywhite : Liv doesn't...
Blaine DeBeers : No, she's totally down with me getting my brains from people that don't need them anymore. We're BFF's now. Who else is gonna feed Seattle's zombies? At least until you kill them all, right?
Major Lilywhite : I'm not killing...
Blaine DeBeers : Shhh, the lying to save your life section comes later.
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Blaine DeBeers : Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?
Don Everhart : I have plans, actually.
[Blaine remains silent]
Don Everhart : A few hours.
Blaine DeBeers : Well, let's get 'er done.
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[Blaine asks Major to bring his dad body back to him]
Blaine DeBeers : I'm gonna need my dad back. God, do I miss that man.
Blaine DeBeers : [Blaine tries to cry] Nope. Can't do it. You need me to show you a photo, or?
Major Lilywhite : No, I have no doubt which one is your dad. Imperious, fancy dresser, owns a bust of himself.
Blaine DeBeers : [Blaine smiles] That's the guy!
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[Blaine tells his father Angus DeBeers that he needs to learn how to humble brag]
Blaine DeBeers : Someone should teach you how to humble brag. People might hate you less.
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[Blaine threatens Major to get him his dad back]
Blaine DeBeers : Uh, Major.
Major Lilywhite : Yeah?
Blaine DeBeers : I know where you live. I know where Liv, um, lives. Give me my dad or things are gonna get ugly fast, okay?
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[Major and Chief carry in the body bag to Blaine's frozen dead father]
Blaine DeBeers : I guess someone's gotta make an obligatory popsicle joke, right? No? When did it get so highbrow in here?
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[Blaine unzips the body bag to his dead father]
Blaine DeBeers : Oh! They're so cute when they're sleeping.
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[Blaine pulls his reanimated father out of the freezer]
Blaine DeBeers : [Blaine made-up to look and sound like an old man] Daddy? You've come back to us. After 50 years of praying, here you are. You missed it all. The Zombie Apocalypse, the Rapture, the Ginger Rapture, the Great Floods of '28 and '44.
Angus DeBeers : Blaine? Is that you?
Blaine DeBeers : Quick! We've got to get you out of here before Dr. Zaius catches us! You see, winter is coming!
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[Blaine threatens Major with his life by wanting to know how he's finding his zombies to kill]
Blaine DeBeers : Bad news, brother. Today is the last day of your life. So you better get straight with your God, 'cause here comes the big one. You comfy in there? I ask, because it's where you're going to be spending eternity. But because I'm a forgiving man, I'm willing to let you decide which way you go out. There's quick and painless, a bullet straight to the heart. I know, a head shot would be quicker, but that brain of yours is gonna fetch a pretty penny. Or... we turn you into a zombie and we bury you in this box, where you will suffer forever with an abiding hunger for brains that you will never sate.
Major Lilywhite : Wait. What do you want to know?
Blaine DeBeers : Well, it's obvious there's a leak in my organization. I mean, how else are you finding my zombies? Give me a name, and we'll go the quick route. Scout's honor. Otherwise it is... express train to Zombieland.
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[Major tells Blaine that he was given a zombie list]
Major Lilywhite : I was given a list. Three hundred names, all suspected zombies, all connoisseurs of fake tans, hair dye and hot sauce. My job was to figure out which ones were zombies and which ones weren't, and get rid of the ones that are. I was told that if I didn't do it, they would take out every single person on the list, and they would start with Liv.
Blaine DeBeers : Oh. Who's the 'they'? Let me know who's making you do this.
Major Lilywhite : No.
Blaine DeBeers : You must have a pair on you the size of watermelons.
Major Lilywhite : If I told you, you have no reason to keep me alive. And aren't you a little bit interested to know if you're on their list?
Blaine DeBeers : Maybe a few more hours in the dark will make that quick death more appealing. Close him up. I'm not going to miss you.
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[Major tells Blaine that he doesn't kill his zombies but freezes them]
Major Lilywhite : My handlers don't care which zombie I take out next as long as I make my way steadily down my list.
Blaine DeBeers : And they have you freeze them?
Major Lilywhite : They think I'm killing them.
Blaine DeBeers : Killing sounds easier.
Major Lilywhite : Yeah, except I'm not a murderer.
Blaine DeBeers : I bet you tell that to all the families grieving for their loved ones.
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[Major looks out the window while talking to Blaine at the funeral home]
Blaine DeBeers : Hey. Hey. Hey. It's the FBI, man. They've got a crush on me. They've got it in their head that I'm the Chaos Killer. You're gonna have to leave here the same way you came in, back of a hearse.
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[Blaine threatens his father Angus DeBeers to make him a new will]
Blaine DeBeers : You might remember Chief? You had him shot in the face. Oh, and Candy. You tortured her, cut off her fingers. Have fun, you guys. Come find me when he's ready to make a new will. Oh, and avoid the face. We wanna leave him camera-ready.
Angus DeBeers : [Blaine heads upstairs leaving Angus to the zombie Chief and zombie Candy] Blaine. Son!
