Mom (TV Series)

Sticky Hands and a Walk on the Wild Side (2016)

Anna Faris: Christy Plunkett

Quotes 

• Christy : [after the 4 of them spend a long time walking the barrel of syrup over to the car]  We did it!

  Jill : Yeah, dumbass men would've probably just backed the car up to the barrel.

  [laughs. The other three look at her, stunned] 

  Jill : What?

  [looks at each one with wide eyes] 

• Marjorie : So what were you doing in Canada?

  Christy : How'd you know about that?

  Marjorie : I followed you on Instagram, there were a bunch of pictures of the trip.

  Christy : Oh, well, you know, we just decided, spur of the moment, get away from it all, it was almost... a spiritual retreat.

  Bonnie : [charges in the door with handfuls of cash]  Christy! Loo-

  [sees Marjorie, puts her hands behind her back] 

  Bonnie : HEY! Hi!

• Christy : Welcome to the Interstate 5 Mile Marker 23 chapter meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Hi, I'm Christy.

  Bonnie , Wendy , Jill : Hi Christy.

  Christy : I know that we like to joke about the things we got away with back in the day when we were drinking... and drugging, and maybe it's funny because *we* got away with it, but Jodi didn't.

• Christy : This morning I woke up, and for about two seconds I felt good... then I remembered that Jodi's dead. And I try to find something to be grateful for for those two seconds... but I just can't.

• Christy : [the smugglers have left the ladies alone with the huge barrel of syrup]  Thanks for the help, fellas!

  [pause] 

  Christy : Canadian dicks.

  Bonnie : Mexican criminals are so much more courteous.

  Christy : 'Til they make you dig your own grave.

  [Bonnie nods] 

• Bonnie : [Christy starts crying about Jodi's death]  Don't you start, if you start, I'm

  [starts crying, Jill and Wendy start crying] 

  Officer Ted : [knocks on the window, Christy lowers it and they're all crying]  Is everything okay?

  Christy : [crying]  No! Nothing's okay! Our friend died and we came here to get away from it, but you can't get away from it because it's just so awful!

  [sobs] 

  Officer Craig : Have them pop the trunk, Ted.

  Officer Ted : No, they're alright.

  [the women look at one another] 

  Christy : Thank you.

  Officer Ted : Drive safe.

  [waves them through] 

• Bonnie : There's a product in Canada, pure, uncut, we can buy it for pennies on the dollar and make a fortune off it.

  Christy : Our friend just died from an overdose and you want to go to Canada to smuggle drugs?

  Bonnie : I'm not talking about drugs, I'm talking maple syrup.

  Jill : Is that a street name for something?

  Bonnie : No, it's maple syrup.

  Jill : The stuff you put on pancakes?

  Wendy : And waffles.

  Christy : You ever put it on bacon?

  Wendy : No but that sounds delicious!

  Christy : You glaze it with syrup and put it in the oven at 350...

• Wendy : Do you think they have syrup sniffing dogs?

  Bonnie : Yes, Wendy, they've given up on heroin and now they're cracking down on Aunt Jemima!

  Jill : They *are* searching all the cars, maybe we should turn around.

  Christy : Good idea, a U-turn at the border, that's not going to look suspicious at all!

• Christy : [Jill drowns them out singing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart]  When do we come back in?

  Jill : When it's your car.