- Selina Meyer: All right, here we go, Alabama. First in the alphabet, last in every other fuckin' thing.
- Ben Cafferty: I believe it's number one in "easiest state to get away with murdering a black guy."
- Roger Furlong: It's looking tighter than Will's own butthole when he's got his finger jammed up there watching "Bad News Bears" while he jerks off. How tight is that, Will?
- Will: It's very tight, sir.
- Roger Furlong: Yeah, but I wouldn't take down the tampon dispenser in the Oval Office bathroom just yet.
- Selina Meyer: Oh honey, let me tell you something. Marjorie is insufferable, okay? There are other fish in the sapphic sea, babe.