Rick and Morty (TV Series)

The Rickchurian Mortydate (2017)

Keith David: The President

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rick Sanchez : I'm Doctor Who in this mother fucker! I could be a clone. I could be a hologram. We could be clones controlled by robots controlled with special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your mother!

  The President : I'm going to kill you!

  Rick Sanchez : Then come to Olive Street!

  The President : Is that her address?

  Rick Sanchez : You don't know because you're a bad son!

• [Rick & Morty arrive at the White House via portal. Rick is still holding his martini he was drinking at home] 

  Morty Smith : [greeting the president and shaking his hand]  Mr. President.

  The President : It's about time, gentlemen. Rick, do you need to drink in here?

  Rick Sanchez : Yes.

• The President : You committed murder in the Oval Office. Now you can't leave.

  Rick Sanchez : That's fine. I said I'm not leaving without a selfie.

  Morty Smith : Uh, I don't need a selfie.

  The President : And I'm saying you aren't getting one, and you aren't leaving

  Rick Sanchez : So we agree?

  The President : Yes. No! We disagree. Because you think you're getting a selfie and leaving.

  Rick Sanchez : Am I getting a selfie?

  The President : Never!

  Rick Sanchez : Then I'm never leaving.

  The President : Exactly.

  Rick Sanchez : See?

• Morty Smith : You mean you've been ordering other people to prepare for it while you were sitting on your ass at peace summits.

  The President : Peace summits are important!

  Morty Smith : Oh yeah! They work great. We're really drowning in peace. You suck!

• The President : Okay, what was that?

  Rick Sanchez : Death.

  The President : What kind?

  Rick Sanchez : Instant.

  The President : There was no sound! He just died!

  Rick Sanchez : Yeah, terrifying. It's a terrifying thing to watch happen. It's called a deterrent.

  Secret Service Agent : You couldn't just knock him out?

  Rick Sanchez : How is 'knocking out' a deterrent? Everyone wants to be knocked out. Nobody wants to be dead.

• [a portal opens in the Oval Office and Rick Sanchez steps through in fly-fishing gear] 

  Rick Sanchez : Hi, Mr. President. I'm Rick Sanchez, but not the one that did this. We Ricks travel the infinite and switch places with each other like hermit crabs, I think. I'm "Fly-fishing Rick". You can distinguish me from the Rick that you had a falling-out with by my fly-fishing enthusiasm and accompanying hat. I hope I can be of service if, uh, you ever find the planet to be in danger. Friends?

  The President : [cautiously]  Sounds good to me.

• Rhonda : Rick and Morty escaped.

  The President : [the President is rapidly growing back to his normal size; his voice increasing from high-pitched to normal]  No shit! Take me to the Pentagon. We're at war with Rick and Morty.

  Rhonda : You'll want to make a stop at the White House.

  The President : I have pants at the Pentagon, Rhonda. It's in my contract.

  Rhonda : I mean, you need to call a press conference.

  Male White House Aide : Israel and Palestine have announced a permanent ceasefire.

  The President : What?

  Male White House Aide : They signed something called. "The Pretty Obvious If You Think About It" accord. Apparently, an anonymous American diplomat took them to a "Star Wars" cantina, where they smoked perspective-enhancing alien pheromones through a laser hookah. I still say it has to be Putin.

  The President : It was Rick and Morty, you fucking dunce!

• The President : Task Force Alpha, prepare to shrink!

  Rick Sanchez : Is there a Task Force Alpha health plan, by the way? Because if those pills are based on subatomic compression, you could get a more curable cancer just walking through the mushroom clouds.

  The President : [snatches pill away]  GODDAMN IT, I'LL DO IT!

  [the President takes the pill and then his body begins shrinking] 

  The President : [voice rising in pitch as he shrinks]  Task Force Alpha is disbanded. And you two aren't American anymore! I can say that. You're expatriated! If you step foot on homeland soil again, I'll treat it as an invasion. Is this supposed to be painful?

  Morty Smith : Painful to watch.

  Rick Sanchez : Oh, such lame shrinking.

  Morty Smith : Oh, his clothes stay the same size? '70s shrinking, party of one!

  The President : [now miniscule]  EAT MY SHRINKING ASS!