- Ruby Knowby: Come on, guys. We don't have much time. You've seen how powerful my children have become.
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: Wait. *Your* children? Those things came out of me.
- Ruby Knowby: Oh, relax, you're not the father, just the portal for their rebirth.
- Kelly Maxwell: Are you saying Pablo is a vagina?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Holy pickle dicks, it's Lillian Pendergrass!
- Kelly Maxwell: What's a Lillian Pendergrass?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: That beautiful creature right there. I'd know that caboose from anywhere.
- Kelly Maxwell: Are you having a stroke?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Hey, you say that now, back in the day, Lillian Pendergrass was a smoking hot former gymnast turned PhysEd teacher. You know what I'm talking about? She wore these tiny, little polyester shorts. You know during the summer, when you find that perfect peach?
- Kelly Maxwell: Your next words better be "the end", or I will shoot us both. Me first.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: I'll give you the abridged version.
- [chuckles as he looks at the backseat of the car]
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: I boned her in the back.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Kelly, in war, there's always gonna be collateral damage.
- Kelly Maxwell: How could you say that, Ash? I know you two don't get along, but he's family. He's your father. And he won't be around forever.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Are you kidding me? That old buzzard? That guy is gonna outlive us all. That's just another way the man upstairs choose to schtup me in the pooper.
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: I don't trust her, Jefe. She's hiding something.
- Kelly Maxwell: Agreed. Something's funky. Because if she's some half-demon, immortal badass, why does she need us?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Look, I would trust a blind proctologist more than her, but you know the deal. Unless you a have a better plan?
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: [holds up the Kandarian Dagger] Leave her with me while you guys go get the Book. I'll figure out what she's not telling us.
- Kelly Maxwell: Yeah, I don't think that's such a great idea.
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: I got this. Trust and believe I'll carve her up like a Halloween pumpkin if she ever looks at me funny.
- Kelly Maxwell: Damn, Pablo. Badass.
- Pablo Simon Bolivar: Not so much of a vagina now, am I?
- Kelly Maxwell: Well, actually, vaginas are powerful and life-affirming. But technically, you're more of a vagina than you've ever been.
- Kelly Maxwell: Oh, shit! What happened in there?
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Oh, uh, let's go with colonoscopy?
- Kelly Maxwell: Soon as this asshole wakes up, this asshole is going to jail.
- Ashley 'Ash' J. Williams: Number one, never say "ass" or "hole" in my presence ever again. Got it?