Klaus (2019)

Jason Schwartzman: Jesper

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Jesper : What happened to him after that, how, why, I can't even begin to comprehend. I stopped trying to make sense of it a long time ago. But I do know: once, every year, I get to see my friend.

• Klaus : Ho ho ho!

  Jesper : Wait, wait, wait. Time out. Really? THAT'S how you laugh?

• Klaus : [after Jesper is burned during a delivery]  What happen-?

  Jesper : [irritated]  Not a word. You just sit there. And be all magical and awesome.

• Jesper : Ha! Eat our snow, you-

  [since the reindeer aren't attached, the sleigh starts to roll backwards] 

  Jesper : They're not attached. Why aren't they attached? I thought they were attached. I never in a million years would've done what I just did if I didn't think these were attached.

• [first lines] 

  Jesper : [narrating]  Letters. You don't really write many these days, do you? But I bet there's one you never forget. Send it off to a certain plump guy in a red suit and, provided you've kept your act together more or less, he'll drop off a toy or two. And yet, no one seems to wonder how the whole thing got started in the first place. This is a story about letters, and it began... with this one...

• [from trailer] 

  Jesper : Good morning, madam! Ah, and a good morning it is indeed! For, you see, today is the day when progress arrives in this charming little town of yours! Now, let me steal a few moments of your time to introduce to you the novel concept that is the postal service...

  [the door slams in his face] 

• Jesper : [from trailer]  Mister Klaus, you have a gift. You were meant for making toys. So, I figured, if you donate your old toys, I'll deliver them for free!

  Klaus : Tonight. I go with you.

  Jesper : There's no need for you to come with me, really.

  [Klaus shuts the door and a pile of snow lands on Jesper's head] 

  Jesper : Tonight, then.

• [from trailer] 

  Jesper : [greets a little girl]  Awww, aren't you the cutest little thing! Tell me, sweetie, is your mommy home?

  [the girl sets her dog on him] 

• [from trailer] 

  Jesper : [looks around a toy workshop]  Hello?

  [Klaus growls behind him] 

• [Jesper approaches a wooden hut beside a docked boat. A scruffy, middle-aged man rests inside the hut. Jesper huffs, then clears his throat] 

  Mogens : You go back to the intersection, you make a left at the dead tree. You're welcome.

  Jesper : What? No. I'm not lost.

  Mogens : Trust me, you are.

  [Jesper laughs sarcastically] 

  Jesper : Funny. Say, nice boat! Any chance you might actually get on it today?

  [Mogens lifts his hat] 

  Mogens : What was that?

  Jesper : New postman. Smeerensburg. Which is on an island, which is surrounded by water, which I need a boat to get to, which you have. Are we starting to connect the dots?

  [Mogens gives Jesper a jaded smile] 

• [Jesper is woken by a knock at the door] 

  Jesper : [clumsily swinging a makeshift spear around and dropping it on the floor]  He's here to finish the job! Oh no!

  Annelise : Mr. Postman? Are you in there?

  [Jesper peers through the door at the kids] 

  Jesper : Go away! Go! Leave! He'll hear you!

• Jesper : [whimpering]  That's it! This place is the worst! I'm going home!

  [firm voice] 

  Jesper : NO! You can't leave! Remember? You'll be broke! Out in the streets!

  [sobbing] 

  Jesper : But I hate it here, it's so cold and icky and the people are mean to me and I miss my silk sheets...

  [slaps himself] 

  Jesper : Shut up! Stop being weak! Focus!

• Jesper : [from trailer]  Come on! We're running out of time! Those kids are counting on us!

• Mogens : [mocking Jesper's failure to post letters]  Is this a bad time? I can see you're pretty swamped!

  Jesper : [exhausted]  Don't... you... have... a job... or something?

  Mogens : Why, sure I do! I'm here to pick up all the outgoing mail! So - where is it? Now, you're gonna have to help me with the heavier bags. Bad back, don't you know.

  Jesper : Man, I hate you.

  Mogens : I know.