The Good Catholic (2017)

Wrenn Schmidt: Jane

Quotes 

• Jane : I get it, but in different circumstances we're totally dating right now.

  Daniel : No. No, I... No.

  Jane : Wow, Father, you really know how to make a girl feel special.

  Daniel : No, I mean, uh, eh, ooo, uh, this isn't... I-I-I... We're... I... I wouldn't say that... that... I mean, we're not. W... I-I-I-I'm not, you know?

  Jane : No, I don't, but I'd be happy to give feedback if you feel compelled to articulate an entire thought.

  Daniel : I am committed to God. Th-th-that means that any, um... um, emotional connection..,. uh, that is... other than friendship - which, which is what I think that we have, uh, friendship. You know, a really strong... But, ah, anything MORE than that is obviously, uh, not allowed. I mean, it goes against everything, uh... everything - heh-heh-heh - that I am, so...

  Jane : How do you expect to get laid if you keep saying that kind of stuff?

  [Daniel exhales] 

  Jane : That was a joke. Relax.

  Daniel : Well, you're probably going to hell because of it, so I really hope it was worth it.

  [look of shock and disbelief] 

  Daniel : I really can't tell jokes, can I?

• Daniel : I'm not going anywhere.

  Jane : Yeah, well, you're not the one I'm worried about. I'm not crazy, in case you were wondering. I mean, yeah, but no, not really. It started off as a joke, but just saying it, "I'm dying, finite," it gave things a sense of urgency; and, sometimes it doesn't work - well, most of the time - but there are days, if I really let myself buy into it, where I can actually see the beauty of how little time we really have... and lately, that only seems to be happening when I'm with you.

• Jane : But you did really sell the whole humorless, stodgy priest thing there.

  Daniel : Yeah, we work on it in seminary, for years. Yeah, that and thurible swinging.

  Jane : Thurible swinging?

  Daniel : Yeah.

  Jane : Sounds dirty.

  Daniel : Uh, well, I mean...

  Jane : Sorry. It's late, you're cute, I'm human.

  Daniel : Can I... ask you a question?

  Jane : Maybe.

  Jane : The whole dying thing?

  Jane : No.

  Daniel : What?

  Jane : Let's not.

  Daniel : Come on.

  Jane : You've got off-limits, you know, stuff, so do I.

  Daniel : Well, we both know that you're not...

  Jane : Daniel.

  Daniel : I mean, you don't even look sick, like, at all.

  Jane : It's late. I should go inside.

  Daniel : Jane...

  Jane : Thanks for walking me home.

  Daniel : I-I-I-I-I didn't mean to... It's just... I don't know why we have to keep up with the, you know, charade.

  Jane : Charade?

  Daniel : No, that's not what I... I... I-I just mean... eh-eh-eh-eh, y-you don't... I mean, you look...

  Jane : How?

  Daniel : What?

  Jane : How do I look?

  Daniel : Well, no, I... I... I just...

  Jane : I don't look frail...

  [walking towards him, getting closer, while he's backing up] 

  Jane : helpless? I seem a bit too healthy? Well, I guess that's a testament to my formidable spirit.

  [whispering in his ear] 

  Jane : Good night, friend.

  [kisses him on the cheek] 

  Jane : [left to himself, thinking, stunned. voice over of a man singing Amazing Grace] 

• Jane : This is St. Martin's, right?

  Daniel : Mark's.

  Jane : I'm Jane.

  Daniel : No, it's St. Marks, the church?

  Jane : I'm still Jane, the person.

• Jane : Now, Daniel.

  Daniel : Mm-hm.

  Jane : My child.

  Daniel : Mm-hm.

  Jane : My lamb. My lamb chop child. Unburden yourself.

• Victor : What. Is. Your. Passion?

  Jane : I'm gonna go.

  Victor : Afraid of the answer?

  Jane : Not half as much as you are.

• Jane : If we're gonna proceed with this whole star-crossed, platonic, G-rated tragicomedy of ours, we should be very clear on what we can and can't do.

• Jane : [in confessional]  Aren't you supposed to, like, ask me for a sin list and call me a child or a lamb or some shit? Thing. Something. Sorry.

  Daniel : It's your first time?

  Jane : How did you guess?

• Jane : [planning her own funeral]  As far as pallbearers go, are those included or should I make a list of ex-boyfriends with decent upper-body strength?

• Jane : Yes, Daniel, you can take me home, but, please, no funny business. I'm saving myself for the right clergyman.

• Daniel : When do they put makeup on Jesus?

  Jane : Have you looked at any of the crucifixes where he's got, like, blush on and some eyeliner?

  Daniel : [laughs]  It's hot in the sun.

  Jane : Um, no. They're making him look pretty. He looks like a woman in some of those, which is not all that weird because, you know, maybe... , who knows?

• Victor : God bless, Jessica.

  Jane : Eat a dick, Father.