- Malory Archer: You have no idea who this person is?
- Cheryl Tunt: No.
- Malory Archer: Or what this is about?
- Cheryl Tunt: No.
- Malory Archer: "Zissner office meeting ten." And you have no idea what that means?
- Cheryl Tunt: I feel like I made that very clear.
- Malory Archer: Unlike this cryptic idiocy! Why do you even bother to answer the phone?
- Cheryl Tunt: Because you scream at me when I don't!
- [Lana walks in, looking very tired]
- Lana Kane: Volume! Jesus!
- Malory Archer: My God! Lana, you look like hell!
- Cheryl Tunt: [under her breath] Like I've been saying for years.
- Lana Kane: Woman, you do not wanna light this particular fuse. A.J. was up all night with the croup.
- Malory Archer: Did you give her bourbon?
- Lana Kane: Y'know, I was going to, and then I realized that no, I wasn't going to.
- Malory Archer: Always worked for Sterling.
- [brief pause]
- Cheryl Tunt: [to Lana] And you're just gonna...
- Lana Kane: Yeah, too sleepy.
- Sterling Archer: I'm serious, Ray, I'm about to punch you in the face with your own fists.
- Ray Gillette: First of all, you are a MEAN drunk on germicide.
- Sterling Archer: It's Blue Curaçao, you dumb idiot. Giuseppe keeps it in the back for me.
- Ray Gillette: Well, then, you're a mean drunk on Blue Curaçao.
- Sterling Archer: I know. I'm actually banned for life from Willemstad.
- Ray Gillette: Well, their loss. Now come on, put your money where your fat blue mouth is!
- Sterling Archer: No! We're not doubling the bet!
- Ray Gillette: Come on, don't you have faith in your man?
- [they look at Krieger, who is dancing around the barber shop, pretending to do karate moves]
- Doctor Krieger: Shoo-shoo-shoo! Shoo-shoo-shoo-shoo!
- Sterling Archer: Krieger!
- Doctor Krieger: [ignoring him] Shooooo... sha-shoooo...
- Sterling Archer: [to Ray] I do not, no.
- Ray Gillette: Well, I got faith in mine, 'cause he is lookin' muy Rico Suave.
- Cyril Figgis: Oh, well, heh-heh. Gracias, amigo.
- Sterling Archer: [scoffs] More like Rico... Not Suave.
- Ray Gillette: He said, like a drunk jealous bitch.
- Sterling Archer: I'm not drunk! Wait, I AM drunk.
- Ray Gillette: Cyril, you need any last-minute pointers?
- Sterling Archer: [laughing] From you?
- Ray Gillette: The quarry may change, but never the hunt!
- Cyril Figgis: Hmm, let's see. Oh, here's one. Uh, when do I start negging her?
- Sterling Archer: [laughing] Negging? Jesus Christ. What grade are you in? Why don't you try putting some Spanish fly in her brass monkey?
- Cyril Figgis: Heh-heh, I think you mix it with mole's blood.
- Sterling Archer: What are you - where the hell would you get mole's blood?
- Doctor Krieger: [eagerly] Why? You need some?
- Sterling Archer: I need YOU to get your big, bushy, Bob Rossian head out of your ass, 'cause we've got a bet to win!
- [he looks at his drink]
- Sterling Archer: And also, Giuseppe, I'm pretty sure this IS actually germicide, so...
- Ray Gillette: What?
- Cyril Figgis: Damn it, Archer!
- Sterling Archer: Yeah, that's... not great. Although, silver lining, bet I could eat a whole big bowl of germs right now.
- [he belches loudly]
- Sterling Archer: Okay, let's go seduce this broad!