- Lee Russell: Look, earlier today, my mother-in-law was all up in my ass 'cause her shower head broke. She told me I eat pubic hair with pepper paste. Now, that's about the meanest thing you could say about somebody in Korean.
- Lee Russell: Two creams and four sugars my ass. She doesn't need coffee. She needs a fucking colon cleanse.
- Cameron Fox: What are we doing at Bojangles'?
- Neal Gamby: You are going inside and getting 12 country ham biscuits, 12 Cajun chicken fillet biscuits, and, uh, one... uh, actually, make it three steak biscuits.
- Cameron Fox: Can I at least get myself a strawberry Welch's?
- Neal Gamby: No, you may not.
- Neal Gamby: I processed the information. Now destroy it.
- Lee Russell: Bullshit.
- Neal Gamby: I have a photographic memory. I've retained the pertinent informations and discarded the rest.
- Lee Russell: Well did you memorize the part about her firing every other vice principal she's ever worked with?
- Neal Gamby: W... where did it say that?
- Lee Russell: Page one! Dumbass.
- Lee Russell: Since we're partners, it's only fair you get your share.
- Neal Gamby: The fuck is this?
- Lee Russell: Those are real fuckin' diamonds set in a brooch.
- Neal Gamby: Where'd you get this?
- Lee Russell: Where you think I fucking got it? Fat Albert's clubhouse.