Cannibals and Carpet Fitters (2017) User Reviews

Carpet fitting is dirty work, but someone has to do it!

[Coventry · 5/10 · 16 April 2018]

My hobby of writing user-comments is made significantly easier when a film's title and the entire plot synopsis are identical! This film is about a cannibalistic family clan versus two minivans of carpet fitting colleagues, and there's not a whole lot I can add to that. The cannibal camp exists of five hillbilly baboon-brothers, including a Jason Statham lookalike and a guy with a goofy 80s mullet, and as usual the mother is even more deranged than the boys. The carpet fitters are four dim-witted guys and one tough babe, but their chances are next to none in the ancient country mansion full of subterranean tunnels and human meat pie recipes. Luckily, I watched "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" at 3am in the morning at a chock-full theater during the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival. If it weren't for the stimulating ambiance during the annual horror-night, I probably would have been a lot less tolerant regarding the unoriginal plot and the clichéd nature & behavior of the villainous cannibal family. The bloodshed & gore is plentiful and overall satisfying (although the axe head-splitting scene at the very beginning of the film is never topped) and you gradually even develop some sympathy for the lead characters, notably for the duo Colin and Dean. This is the first full-length film of director James Bushe after a handful of interesting looking shorts. He definitely has the potential to become a good genre director, but then he'll have to put a bit more effort and depth into the scripts.

Not bad

[javier1976 · 6/10 · 15 December 2018]

Not bad at all. I expected something cheap and lame but it is pretty decent, it´s no masterpiece or new cult classic, but it´s pretty entertaining, the performances are just fine and most of the gore/kills are really well done, which rather surprised me since this must have had a rather low budget. The only real negative for me is that I couldn´t always understand what they were saying due to their accent, but that´s more my failing than the movie´s.

Adequately entertaining, albeit generic...

[paul_haakonsen · 5/10 · 29 June 2019]

I hadn't even heard about "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" before now in 2019 when I stumbled upon it by sheer luck. I looked at the movie's cover and it seemed that it would be a horror comedy, perhaps much akin to something like "Shaun of the Dead", if one was lucky.

So needless to say, I gave "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" a chance. And it was actually an adequate movie. Sure, it wasn't outstanding or particularly memorable, to be honest, but it was entertaining and enjoyable for its simplicity and its ability to mix classic slasher / cannibal horror with comedy. But it just wasn't fully up to par with the likes of "Shaun of the Dead" or "Lesbian Vampire Killers".

The storyline in "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" was straight forward. And while it certainly was entertaining enough, it suffered from being too bland and generic actually. The movie lacked originality and that special ingredient to make it unique.

The acting in the movie was adequate, and I must admit that I do like watching unfamiliar talents on the screen. So that was a major plus in favor of the movie.

The special effects used in "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" were fair enough, and served their purpose. Just don't go expecting to see a grand spectacle of CGI and practical effects.

All in all, "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters" is a mediocre horror comedy, that ultimately failed to stand out as original. And chances are slim to none that this will ever find its way back to my media center again.

What's a polite word for rubbish?

[julienicholson-12168 · 2/10 · 14 September 2019]

I read the reviews and I love a good British horror, heck I've been in a few myself, but this is as dire as anything iv been in. I was hoping for a good horror comedy. I was disappointed. The acting is poor. The 'mum' of the cannibals couldn't act if her life depended on it, really, really poor acting from her, and she wasn't the worst. The usual ridiculous scenes where the victim runs from safety straight into danger, who would run from cannibalism by getting out of their vehicle and running back into the house of horrors? Too many stupid scenes, too much poor acting. Very, very disappointing.

Very Good Horror Comedy

[darwinsom · 7/10 · 5 March 2019]

I'm a yank but spent a lot of time in the UK and in similar venues as this one. Great parody of small business where cliches abound but cliches create laughs. loved the dumb blonde who only answers the phone if she's not filing her nails (can't call for help if dumb blond won't answer) The whole rich people in mansions will pay more (absolutely gorgeous footage of mansion house aerial & other) but we'll do a crappy job anyway lends a back & forth ok so they're all a bit unsympathetic) Shout out to 7 foot Phil Martin for always adding the "looming" factor- no camera tricks needed. Fun scenes in places like the kitchen where you can play the continuity game. Fantastic tunnel fun. I'll leave it at that, and attention paid to "wait why is...oh yeah he padlocked it" games Hilarious scenes of incompetent workers with the main contractor increasingly frustrated. Nice sudden 'what the?' scares without needing to rely on "call it in jump scares" Beautiful tasty Gore. This girl loves me good tool use! I consistently laughed hard. I'm glad that the original reception the 'short film received allowed this full one to blossom albeit at a trim under 90 minutes.

A few laughs. But mostly not very good

[nathanandersonw · 3/10 · 5 July 2019]

The story of 5 carpet installers, or carpet Fitters if you're British, go to a country mansion in the middle of nowhere to work and find a murderous old woman and her four low IQ ( handicapped? ) sons. About every 10 minutes, you are rewarded with a nice kill: spike to the Head, decapitation, or a head split open with an axe. The acting is okay. But does not feel committed. So it's feels like everyone is throwing their lines away. . I do not believe in being a logic police when it comes to movies. But no one here behaves as a normal person would in these situations. For example, in the old house, they find blood and severed fingers and toes. But they still stick around to chit chat. This sort of thing happens so often that it ruins any sense of danger. As with any movie, even a dark comedy like this, we really have to believe that they believe they are in danger. Litter are some funny bits and it's not amateurish. Maybe a step or two above that. So you might like it

Very cool Horror Comedy

[darkoneskip · 7/10 · 8 March 2019]

I give it 7 only because its got good practical fx, but not as much as alot of films these days. In a world of Saw and walking dead we look for more as often as we can haha. This was a very well written film i loved the over baring mother and the wrong turn style of inbred sons , still wondering if mom cut there tounges out. Anyway as they state in the other reviews its a family that attacks 2 mini vans of carpet crews. Lol What id like to point out is the humor wasnt shawn of the dead crazy. A lil more mild and it had great suspense and the Monty python style humor. You'll find yourself yelling at the characters by the end. I sure as hell did. Also all the acting was very well done. All lines were quick delivers - all in all if it had a little more blood id give it an 8! Check this one out. Give it up for one hell of a film Director: James Bushe did one great job as did Richard Lee O'Donnell for the great screenplay. Cheers & kudos

Think before you watch

[madjuventus · 2/10 · 5 August 2019]

Very cheap comedy and not funny at all I thought by its title it could be something hilarious but unfortunately it wasn't

Met My Requirements

[FilmFatale · 7/10 · 13 February 2021]

Were there carpet fitters? Yes, several. Were there cannibals, and if so, did they commit over-the-top acts of violence? Yes and yes.

Cannibals and Carpet Fitters was surprisingly fun and delightfully gory. It moved rather quickly yet still had enough time to make me genuinely like the carpet fitters, who find themselves called out to what winds up being the worst job ever.

It's as bad as CATS

[melissasardina · 2/10 · 17 May 2021]

Terrible acting, script and cliqued...If you are British and have ever had carpets fitted then you'll know how funny they are in real life.

Wrong Turn, England

[nogodnomasters · 8/10 · 11 April 2019]

Jack and Gill get lost camping. Don't get too attached to them, they are just there to introduce a family of cannibals who live in a remote home. They call Cupid Carpet to place a new rug in the living room. It appears Tasha (Zara Phythian) is going to be the final girl. Once the crew gets there, game on.

Now I am not sure why you would call someone to your home to eat them unless you want to get caught. But ignoring that, it was your typical British humor horror-comedy, which I happen to enjoy. The only thing that would have been better is if the cannibals were played by the Monty Python gang. Laura Jean Marsh was priceless.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity. Blood and gore, but not what one might expect from the title.

Pretty entertaining and enjoyable horror flick

[singhlall · 6/10 · 8 May 2021]

This is no masterpiece but the pace is good and there are some good gore FX. It has some funny characters and some typically British humour.

Lesson in bad acting

[Monkeytennis33 · 2/10 · 2 July 2022]

Wow was this a stinker. The 'actors' were so bad I thought maybe it was intentional for a cheap laugh. Either way it didn't work. 2 star for kills. On a par with microwave massacre.

NOT very good

[edwardbundy · 3/10 · 12 October 2020]

Some are comparing this to "Shaun of the dead" and "The cottage". Doing so you are giving good, and intelligent funny films a bad rep. This can't way up to those flicks by a milestone.

This is basically a poor comedy with some cool effects.

A boring Job with an unexpected turn.

[jchavero93 · 7/10 · 10 February 2021]

I stumbled upon this movie while looking through a random list of b-movie horror movies and just had to give it a watch based off of the title alone. It honestly turned out to be great fun and I would definitely recommend others to see it. The title pretty much gives you the whole plot and more or less everything you wanted to know about the film, but when I started the film I had a completely different idea and was wondering if it might have been mislabeled or that I didn't understand what carpet fitting had to do with some random campers. But it relatively quickly jumped into what it is at it's core, a British horror comedy, after a pretty good jumpscare to end the beginning sequence. It does have some admittedly dumb humor throughout, but I felt it juxtaposed well with some enjoyable action scenes that were pretty well done considering it wasn't some movie with A-list actors or big budget. There were a couple plot hole questions that I had in the end, but they weren't that important as this film is more of a turn your brain off and just enjoy type of movie. While I was a bit sad with how the ending played out, I thought it was an interesting, and a bit funny, addition to the story that I was a bit confused at with how the genetics worked. I thought the plot, acting, stunts, and effects were all done well. Though the audio seemed mixed a bit weirdly, where the actors spoke somewhat quieter than any other sound in the scenes. This is definitely a great movie for anyone who likes horror comedies or any B-movie horror and slasher flicks.

Good Quality on a Low Budget

[dougray30 · 7/10 · 31 October 2021]

I backed this film on Kickstarter in 2017, and received a signed Blu-Ray about two years ago. But for whatever reason, I never got around to watching it until Halloween weekend when I wanted to watch something new. It was still in my stack of "things to watch." The premise is rather simple: a group of carpet fitters go to do a job in a remote country house (in the UK) and quickly discover the family has designs on having them for dinner, literally. There is a bit of a Shaun of the Dead vibe to this, but mostly in terms of attitude. For a low budget (but not micro-budget) film, the performances are pretty good and the special effects well done; there are a few very nice kills sprinkled throughout. It's nothing amazing, but the action starts early on and the film keeps a quick pace once it gets going. It's generally fun and a good ride.

Some good effects, but not worth the time.

[Badger-Assassin · 2/10 · 29 July 2020]

Simple comedy done better before and not as dark or funny as it thinks.

Memorable

[hellholehorror · 7/10 · 25 February 2020]

A thoroughly entertaining and memorable British indie horror with some comedy to boot. It is beautifully shot, great sounding and excellently acted. My only minor gripe was that it felt like it was written in 2005 and only just got made in 2017 without altering the script. It's not as funny as Shaun of the Dead (2004), it's more like Doghouse (2009), Severance (2006) and The Cottage (2008) where there is comedy but it's more about the horror and the entertaining characters.

Cannibals and garbage

[bjornrhein · 2/10 · 4 February 2024]

Problem today with horror comedys is that anyone with a camera can do it, and anyone actually do it , like this junk

I think I have never seen so much bad acting in one movie, and its not one or two who act bad , its everyone, this acting is down on schoolplay level , its looks like theatre for the young ones , this is so bad its insane

The story is good and production do their very best with the low budget they wrestling with , but this suppose to be a comedy and I could not even smile one time in this movie, its comedy for children , could see some reviews where people thought this was hilarious, one clown even thought this was so funny he was on the floor ,, guess its where he suppose to be in age of 3

Garbage, absolute garbage.

definately not an x-mas movie, more a must see movie.

[ops-52535 · 9/10 · 12 December 2018]

Slasher comedy!!?? well how ironic i may sound , youll have a brilliant example in this little british flick. a thin story,buty the acting and the figures are just hillariously well done,and youll get full credit for your money , if....you can live through the stash of slash and blood splattered over all the new lain carpets. there are suspense from beginning to end, the jolts of surprise comes even though you know itll come.. technically its among the best ive seen in the horror genre lately.the special effects are great,editing and filming good,the set design excellent. its also filled with strong rural english language and humour , so if youre able to take the blood its highly recommended.

Funny film

[richjay-09348 · 7/10 · 10 May 2022]

Love this low budget horror comedy British made films, has a much higher budget feel to it compared to many. Film has an element of the Wrong Turn vs Shaun of the dead. Well worth a watch🙂

Gory nonsense

[Leofwine_draca · 5/10 · 8 November 2020]

CANNIBALS AND CARPET FITTERS is an extremely low budget British comedy horror with an emphasis on lowbrow humour and gory nonsense. In that respect it follows in the footsteps of similar fare like INBRED, THE COTTAGE and DOGHOUSE, although be warned that it's a lot lower budgeted than any of those movies, and thus lacking in any recognisable actors. Saying that, it's not too bad for what it is. The cast are certainly game for a laugh and the bloody special effects aren't held back, with scene after scene of depraved mayhem taking place throughout the running time. Hardly the stuff of high art, but if you're a fan of this kind of thing you'll end up liking it.

Yup. An actual feature-length movie. And I watched it.

[ritera1 · 7/10 · 9 July 2022]

An absorbing look at the life of UK carpet fitters. But no character development at all with the cannibals. NONE!

Blood, Runnin' around a big house in the English countryside. There's been worse.

Bloody brilliance!

[FrancescaLWhite · 10/10 · 10 November 2017]

'Cannibals & Carpet Fitters' by James Bushe & Richard Lee O'Donnell is utterly hilarious, wonderfully unpredictable & overall bloody brilliant! I'd pitch it as 'Home Alone' for Adults meets 'Shaun of the Dead'. From the first head splitting at the dinner table to the village cannibal encounter the film has you wholly absorbed. While it deals with certain overly used horror tropes it still managed to surprise and crack me up with laughter. Quality performances, quality writing, quality cinematography & score; if you watched this without knowing it's an independent film you would never be able to guess it, what they achieve on a relatively low budget is mind-blowing. Comedy horror genius!

Superb witty independent comedy horror - A must see!

[azanti0029 · 9/10 · 9 November 2017]

When the Carpet Fitters of a small town local firm are called out to fit the large country house of Mrs Hanning, not everything is as it appears and soon they find themselves in deep trouble but Carpet fitters don't cry! Soon there are pitfalls and crossbows a plenty as a group dressed from the 'quick fit' commercials battle beasts with an appetite for human flesh.

Cannibals and Carpet Fitters started life as a sharp witty short film funded on Kickstarter which is where I first heard about it. Two years later after steering its way through a quagmire of charlatan film producers, through the sheer grit and determination of its creative team it finally made its way to the screen and I eagerly awaited it with great anticipation. Directed by the very competent James Bushe, who was the man behind Predator Dark Ages fan film comes this sharply directed black-humored comedy horror with a very tongue in cheek, quick-fire script from Richard Lee O'Donnell (Who also acts in the film)

Cannibals owes it's strong concept very much to the old school comedy horror films of the 1980s like Ghostbusters, Evil Dead 2 and Critters - A group of dysfunctional unlikely heroes find themselves facing insurmountable odds and numerous entertaining decapitations. Bushe is not short to recognise this and there's more than one homage to spot but he and his team also inject much originality of their own. Make no mistake, despite the limitations of the budget this is an extremely clever and skillfully made film. Much of its success comes down to the ability of Bushe to understand the tone of the genre he is taking you through and the strong cast assembled in the lead and supporting roles. Zara Pythian renown more for action themed roles really shows her straight acting chops here playing no- nonsense Tasha, while Darren Sean Enright as Carpet Fitter Colin has a terrific knack for comedy timing. But ironically its the actors with such little dialogue that really make their mark - Most memorable are the Cannibal brothers (Mingus Johnston & Lee Charles among them, I can't name the others as they were concealed by make- up and don't have pictures on IMDb) All these actors understood and knew how to work the camera creating extremely well rounded unique and appropriately creepy characters with virtually no dialogue. Additional laughs comes in the form of the dizzy secretary glued to her mobile who never does any work (A hilarious performance from Laura Jean Marsh) and all too easily food fodder couple Gillian and Jack (Jessica Jane-Stafford and Alex Zane) while Jenny Stokes does an excellent performance as a matriarch of the household.

I'll state here, other than having followed this film from its humble origins I have no personal involvement in the production whatsoever. It is rare to see small independent films as this made with such care, passion and attention and go on to produce such incredible results but Bushe and his team here have achieved that in spades with Cannibals. You will laugh, you will scream and you certainly will not look at meatloaf the same way again. Cannibals and Carpet Fitters deserves to be seen, not only because its an indy film but because it's a bloody good one and the best horror comedy I have seen in decades. Highly recommended.