- Francesca 'Frankie' Dart: Oh God no, I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister. Hope is the deformed attic-bound incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear.
- Francesca 'Frankie' Dart: [Going through file cabinet] I found the smell. Someone filed a taco.
- Annie Edison: [Reading folder name] Things that would otherwise get filed straight to my thighs.
- Elroy Patashnik: I'm going back to bed.
- Jeff Winger: I'm going with him.
- Dean Pelton: I'm gonna watch.
- Dean Pelton: City College is running an attack ad? That's a first.
- Frankie Dart: They're getting desperate. Our registration numbers are trending upward.
- Jeff Winger: Because the population keeps growing, and no one here ever graduates.
- Annie Edison: Actually, our numbers are up because of improvements Frankie's made.
- Frankie Dart: Those improvements were only possible through your hard work, Annie.
- Jeff Winger: Oh, get a boardroom.
- Jeff Winger: You do understand that what we did was also just the most prudent tactical move. Getting in front of the scandal Letterman style.
- Annie Edison: Yes, Jeff, don't worry. I promise I'll never mistake you for having a heart.
- Frankie Dart: Just because City College is scared, doesn't mean they're not dangerous. Is there anything in particular they could smear us with?
- Jeff Winger: Nothing in particular, just overlapping clouds of many thousands and thousands of things.
- Abed Nadir: I have friends in the AV department at City College.
- Dean Pelton: Ooh la la.
- Abed Nadir: The brotherhood of AV exists beyond your petty factionalism. We serve only video, the one true queen, and her faithful consort, audio.
- Ben Chang: Oh, could you guys be bigger nerds?
- Abed Nadir: No, most of us have achieved our maximum potential.
- Ben Chang: Let's not forget the Brenda factor.
- Annie Edison: There isn't a Brenda factor.
- Ben Chang: He says she's doing better. Better than what?
- Annie Edison: Her thyroid condition! Can you focus?
- Jeff Winger: Can Brenda?
- Dean Pelton: Probably more so, now.
- Frankie Dart: He is right about one thing. If City College can't support their claim, it's libel, we can have the station pull the ad, but that is precisely why the truth does matter.
- Ben Chang: The Brenda paradox.
- Jeff Winger: Annie, this started with me sleeping and getting yelled at for not helping. If it ends with you yelling at me for not sleeping, that's not a story, that's a German art film.
- Frankie Dart: We do have a situation here, so we will make this our situation room.
- Annie Edison: Yes. We need whiteboards, corkboards, laptops.
- Abed Nadir: A bunch of clocks with different times on them, a red phone, a big tabletop map with little Nazi tanks, and/or a Godzilla.