- Linda Belcher: [after Bob wakes up from a nightmare about giving Teddy too many burgers which makes his heart explode]
- [wakes up]
- Linda Belcher: What-what happened?
- Bob Belcher: I'm killing Teddy.
- Linda Belcher: What? You're gonna kill Teddy? All right, car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home-school the kids 'cause...
- Bob Belcher: No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.
- Linda Belcher: What?
- Bob Belcher: The ones I give him every day.
- Linda Belcher: Oh. Gotcha.
- Bob Belcher: Good God, Linda. You had all that ready?
- Linda Belcher: What? I'm just being supportive.
- Bob Belcher: [to Teddy] Look, I can't in good conscience serve you a burger every day.
- Teddy: I don't see you shoving a veggie burger down Mort's throat and he eats a burger every day.
- Mort: That's not true. I often get the soup.
- Zeke: [after Gene opens his jar with farts in it] Oh, God! Oh, that's what killed the dinosaurs. That's awful! Ooh!
- Bob Belcher: [while making a burger for Teddy] Feels weird cooking a veggie burger. Plus, he's going to know it's not a hamburger.
- Linda Belcher: Nah, nah, Teddy will eat whatever you put in front of him. Remember when he ate that receipt?
- Bob Belcher: Okay, here's the deal, Teddy. I'll... I'll make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.
- Teddy: You cutting me off, Bobby?
- Bob Belcher: I guess I am.
- Teddy: You're cutting me off? Is this some kind of sick joke?
- Mort: I think it's for your own good.
- Teddy: You stay the hell out of this, Mort!
- Teddy: Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife.
- Bob Belcher: What?
- Linda Belcher: Huh?
- Teddy: [crying] I'm sorry! I don't know what I'm saying.
- [gets angry again]
- Teddy: I'll kill you! Give me a burger!
- Bob Belcher: Teddy! Calm... down.
- Teddy: You calm down!
- Linda Belcher: Bob, you see Teddy every day.
- Bob Belcher: Yeah, but Teddy's not my best friend, Lin. He's my best customer. There's a big difference and I really value that 30 inches of Formica that's between us.
- Gene Belcher: Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag.
- Bob Belcher: [When Teddy signs himself and Bob up for a weekend boot camp] I don't know, Teddy. That... um... doesn't sound like something I want to do.
- Louise Belcher: What? You've always wanted to do stunts in the woods.
- Gene Belcher: Yeah. Get the hell out of here!
- Tina Belcher: Yeah, go for it, Dad. Do it! Though you've already pulled off the toughest stunt of all: raising three great kids.
- Zeke: [to Louise] Hey, it's called weight class, cool breeze. Deal with it. You can't hang with the big boys, anyway.
- Louise Belcher: Oh, I can't hang with the big boys? No, I'm gonna hang with the big boys. You'll see. Look at me!
- Zeke: [to Louise] Why you putting up a fight, you tiny sweet angel? Just take your medicine, girl. Just go down.
- Louise Belcher: I'm s... I'm still totally gonna win, so shut your mouth.
- Bob Belcher: [to Kevin about Teddy] Listen, Kevin, you can't serve this guy your five-pound burger.
- Kevin: Oh, okay, making a note. I can't serve someone a burger in my own restaurant.
- Linda Belcher: First up, Rudy versus Louise! Go!
- Louise Belcher: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why am I going against Rudy? He's a pushover, a cupcake.
- Regular Sized Rudy: What? I'm tough.
- Louise Belcher: Rudy, I'm in your P.E. class. I was there for the kickball incident.