- King Richard: It's 9:03. Why am I the only one who is ever on time?
- Gareth: There should be a standardized system based on the rotation of the earth in relation to its position to the sun and the moon.
- King Richard: You sound like a witch.
- King Richard: He'll be here tonight, as the sun has cast its last shadow upon the earth and the crescent moon has risen above the eastern ridge.
- Gareth: So like, nine o'clock.
- King Richard: Yes, Gareth, he'll be here at nine.
- King Richard: She's going to be so surprised!
- Gareth: No she's not, because you keep doing that stupid evil-king-whisper thing that everyone can hear.
- Isabella: I'm supposed to bring Galavant to the king when the barking of the hounds wakens the fairies in the evening so that they may begin their nocturnal dance.
- Confessional Monk: So, like, nine o'clock?
- Isabella: Yeah, nine.
- Madalena: Why are you so calm? Normally when I yell at you, you get tummy cramps and have to go poopy. Your words.
- King Richard: What can I say? I'm sleeping well, exercising, laying off the wheat. Just in a really good place right now.
- Madalena: You're inept.
- [singing]
- Chef: If I could share my life with you, just think how happy we'd be. We'd share a hovel built for two, complete with vermin for three. We could while away each hopeless day comparin' open sores. Yes, life would blow, but much less though, if I could share mine with yours.
- Gwynne: No, I can't. It's impossible! If I could share my life with you...
- Chef: Admit it, it would be nice.
- Gwynne: We'd share one cot, one chamber-pot.
- Chef: Plus trench mouth, tapeworms and lice.
- [singing]
- Chef, Gwynne: If you could share your life with me, I'll cherish every foul breath.
- Gwynne: The filth.
- Chef: The rot.
- Gwynne: The leprosy.
- Chef, Gwynne: The painful lingering death. Thank the Lord our life expectancy is merely 32.
- Gwynne: Yeah, it might be sweet misery...
- Chef, Gwynne: To share what's left with you!
- Galavant: Can we just focus? We've got a castle to storm! The sun's almost perfect for hero lighting... I should do some push-ups.