Last Man Standing (TV Series)

Rediscover America (2014)

Tim Allen: Mike Baxter

Quotes 

• Kyle Anderson : Ya know, you gotta give it up for Columbus. Discoverin' the new world.

  Mike Baxter : Well, I'll give him this, he's a good salesman.

  Kyle Anderson : I think you mean *sailor*.

  Mike Baxter : No, I mean salesman. He was an Italian, got the Spanish to pay for three trips to India, which he never found. That's a good salesman.

• [last lines] 

  Ed Alzate : We should do this again in twenty-five years, huh?

  Mike Baxter : Twenty-five years. Kinda wishful thinking on your part.

• Mike Baxter : [recording his vlog]  Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man. This Columbus Day you can discover America, even though Columbus never actually did. In 1492 he may have sailed the ocean blue, but the dude missed North America. He found Hispanola instead. And I don't mean the tapas restaurant on 18th Street. That place is a *real* discovery. Why do we have a parade for Columbus, the dude who got lost. Listen, I got lost in Ikea the other day. No parade. All I got was a bookcase for six bucks. We *should* be celebrating Leif Ericson, the viking who landed in Nova Scotia four hundred years before Columbus. There hasn't been a viking this underappreciated since Hagar the Horrible. I dare you to read that comic strip and not laugh. The real discoverer of Outdoor Man is Ed Alzate, Vietnam vet, sportsman, and small-business entrepreneur. Ed, come over here for a second. Come here. Listen to this.

  Ed Alzate : What? What?

  Mike Baxter : This dude is *our* Leif Ericson, the guy who blazed a trail but hardly ever gets credit. Without Ed none of this would be here and I would be a guy that just made some other store really famous and successful. In honor of our Leif Ericson, Ed Alzate, the Columbus Day Sale is now Viking Plunder and Pillage Sale, so come on down and... and bring your battleax... because we've got lots of gear for the wife, too. Whaddya say pal? Your very own day. That's gotta make you... hold on a second, brace yourselves, he's gonna smile.

• [first lines] 

  Vanessa Baxter : Mike, I thought there was supposed to be an article about you in the Denver Business Weekly?

  Mike Baxter : The guy needed more time. Apparently, five thousand words isn't enough to take in all of this.

  Vanessa Baxter : Well, that's the price you pay for being *so* fascinating.

  Mike Baxter : Thank goodness you're a geologist. You dodged *that* bullet.

• Vanessa Baxter : Eve is opening doors for women.

  Kristin Baxter : Hmm, just like Hillary Clinton.

  Mike Baxter : Well, Hillary better knock... make sure Bill's got his pants on.