- Nick Miller: When I was 9 years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died. Then there was a period of time where I fed cereal flakes to all little animals. Squirrels can live through it. Chipmunks can live through it. Anything that lives half in and out of water dies, and I don't understand why. When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in her room and I put a lemon in her mouth. When I was 11, I once tried on my girl cousin's woolen tights, and I didn't hate the way it felt!
- Jess: Winston, I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. You would have been such a good cop. You would have made someone really lucky to have you as a partner.
- Winston Bishop: I always imagined I'd have a partner named Robertson.
- Jess: That would have been perfect.
- Winston Bishop: Yeah.
- Jess: "Robertson, you're on the edge! You've gone too far!"
- Winston Bishop: No, no, no. See, the thing about me and Robertson is that we're tight. You know, then I went ahead and slept with his wife.
- Jess: Why would you do that?
- Winston Bishop: I don't know why... I don't know why I would do that. The job really gets to you.
- Winston Bishop: Oh, hey. How do I look?
- Jess: Terrible.
- Schmidt: N-Not for me.
- Nick Miller: Not great.
- Coach: Like crap.
- Jess: Go change.
- Schmidt: I don't like any of it.
- Winston Bishop: Wow. You guys are like rubbing alcohol. You sting me in the now, but you save me in the later.
- Jess: I'm gonna cancel my plans with Cece. I'll find out about her date with Paul later.
- Schmidt: A ridiculous name. Oh, hey, my name is Puh-ha... Pau... I don't even know how to pronounce that.
- Winston Bishop: It's Paul.