Scandal (TV Series)

An Innocent Man (2014)

Bellamy Young: Mellie Grant

Quotes 

• Mellie Grant : So, Bitsy, I have adhered to the wishes President Cooper laid out in his funeral plan, but there are a few options he left open. In terms of hymns, "Bring us, O lord" is always so spiritual, and since the President's faith was such an important part of his life...

  Bitsy Cooper : Oh, please. My husband's only religion was believing he had to screw anything with a pulse. But since us bitches have got to get through this dog and pony show, I'm gonna need you to sit down, shut up, and follow my lead. Now, I'm gonna take the office. I'll do the planning, and you go crochet, or vaccinate fat kids, or whatever silly hobby makes you feel like you're making a difference. Show up for the photo ops, and I'll have someone call you if I need you for anything else.

  [pointing at the heirloom she had just been fawning over] 

  Bitsy Cooper : Oh, um I'd get that filthy piece of crap out of here, pronto. Probably give you crabs.

• Mellie Grant : So, I have the list of speakers if you'd like to go over the order.

  Bitsy Cooper : Does it matter? I'm sure they'll all spout the same pretty lies about my dead husband how he strengthened the military and reformed the tax code and negotiated the Baltic Peace Accords, blah, blah, blah.

  Mellie Grant : Well, he *did* do all of that.

  Bitsy Cooper : *I* did all that. You know, they didn't know about ADD back then, but Coop could barely sit through a two-page briefing, God love him. On top of which, he was never the brightest bulb. *I* strengthened the military. *I* pushed the tax code through. *I* negotiated the Baltic Peace Accords.

• Mellie Grant : [to the press]  Fitz is a Navy man who will never take action to diminish our armed forces or in any way risk compromising our strength and security, both at home and abroad. Thank you all!

  Bitsy Cooper : [whispers as they walk off]  I have a joint in my handbag, and it's not gonna smoke itself. Would you like to join me on the Truman balcony?

  Mellie Grant : [giggles] 

• Mellie Grant : [sitting with martinis talking]  I tried. I tried so hard. But now I think I'm just gonna get through it, play my part. 'Cause no matter what I do, there's only one person my husband listens to, and she's... I'm sorry.

  Bitsy Cooper : Only one? Lucky you. When we got to the White House, I made sure his secretary was the homeliest woman I could find. And he still managed to bang her twice a day, every day, for eight years. Oh, my, that poor woman. Ohh. But after a while, I mean, I was grateful. Gave me time to actually run the country.