Dean (2016)
Demetri Martin: Dean
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
Dean : Dear Eric, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know Nicholas was more than a cat, he was a good friend and he offered you great support. Losing him probably feels like losing a part of yourself. I've been there. In the coming months, you might feel more lost than you do now and you might feel like you need to run away from all the heaviness for a while. Maybe you'll fly across the country to escape the pain, and maybe while you're away you're dad will go and sell all of your cat furniture, the last real link you thought you had to Nicholas. It might be hard to understand now, but maybe your dad did it because he just needed to do it to move forward. I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better, but the hard truth is that Nicholas is gone, and there's nothing that will bring him back. Not old cat furniture, personal belongings, or even voice messages from him that you've carefully saved. Nothing can replace him, but that doesn't mean you won't be okay again. You know, when you lose someone, it can make you feel so alone... But there's one thing I've learned: if you really love them, you never lose them. Especially if they had a strong spirit. Anyway, here's a copy of my new book. I can't say it holds any answers, but maybe it'll give you a laugh and that's worth something. Take care of yourself, buddy. Your friend, Dean.
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Robert : [phone rings] Oh, my God, that's my - it's my new phone.
[reaches phone out of his pocket]
Robert : Sorry. Here we go. I-I can't talk now. I'm with my son. You see, I'm busy?
Dean : It can't see you. It's - It's more of a voice thing.
Robert : Oh, you think it can't see me? Yeah, dream on. They know what's going on at the other end of this thing. There.
[camera flashes]
Robert : Oh, I just took a picture of my sandwich. Okay, hang on. Hang on. Come on.
Robert : [turns off phone] Oh, good.
Dean : Smooth.
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Robert : I just don't know what you're doing.
Dean : What am I supposed to be doing? I just took a trip, and now I'm here.
Robert : Even when you're here, you're not here. Wherever you are, I need you to come back.
Dean : Okay, er, to where? Should I come home maybe? Oh, I forgot. You sold your house. You sold Mom's house while I was away, so that's gone.
Robert : Oh, I see. I get it. I see the problem. What exactly did you want me to do? Just go on living there alone?
Dean : No, I don't know what I want you to do. I just-I want to stop living under this cloud. I want to stop talking about life and death and how I'm not grieving right. We're not helping each other, so why don't we just stop?
Robert : Okay. No, I think that sounds very healthy. I'm glad we had this talk.
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Nicky : Hi.
Dean : How are you?
[hugs Jill]
Dean : It's good to see you. Hey.
Nicky : Hi, you, too. You remember my friend Jill from the party the other night?
Dean : Yeah, hey, Jill.
Jill : Hey.
Dean : Hey. Okay.
[they shake hands]
Nicky : She wanted to see the show, too. So...
Dean : Cool. So...
Jill : You were wearing that same outfit the last time I saw you.
Dean : Yes, I was. Thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate that.
Jill : We, need to find a restroom like, right now.
Nicky : Oh, yeah, number one only.
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Dean : [pretending to be on the phone] Oh, yeah, hey - Just a sec. Yeah, I can be there in, like, ten minutes. Yeah, totally.
[his phone rings]
Dean : Weird reception out here.
Nicky : Yeah, in your face so hard.
Dean : I was just doing a bit.
Nicky : Are you gonna stay, or are you gonna go?
Dean : I'll stay.
Nicky : Phew, what a relief.
Dean : Yeah.
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Eric : Have you had Smoothie King?
Dean : Huh? It's funny. It's always a king.
Eric : What?
Dean : You know, Smoothie King, Burger King, Mattress King. If you're selling something, it has to be a king. Smoothie Duke? Nope. Burger Prime Minister? You can't do it.
Eric : What about Dairy Queen? That works.
Dean : Yeah, okay, that's one.
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Dean : Dad, I wanted to talk to you.
Robert : About the house?
Dean : No. You were right. I disappeared for a while.
Robert : It's okay. You don't need to apologize.
Dean : No, I do. I was running and I'm sorry. I just...
[beat]
Dean : You know, I think about Mom every day. I'll pass that bookstore where we used to meet up, or smell her perfume, or just... It's just... She's everywhere, you know? No matter what I do, I just keep thinking about her every day. Even when I try not to. So many things remind me of her, and... Dad, I can't imagine what you've been going through.
[He hugs Robert]
Dean : I'm sorry.
Robert : It's okay. It's okay. I know. I know. It's okay.
Dean : I'm sorry.
Robert : No. No, no. Sit down.
Dean : I'm worried about you.
Robert : I know you are, but don't worry about me. I'm gonna be fine. I'm not sure when, but I'm sure I'm gonna be fine.
Dean : Yeah.
Robert : I miss your mom a lot. That's not gonna stop, but I can't tell you how lucky I feel that I got to be with her as long as I did.
Dean : Yeah.
Robert : And how lucky I feel that we had you. It's good to have you back. Don't disappear on me, okay?
Dean : I won't. You, too.
Robert : Oh, I'm not gonna disappear. You know where to find me. I'm here. It's a deal
[they shake hands]
Dean : Okay.
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Dean : I'll be thinking of you as I pee into my bed tonight.
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Dean : [opening narrating] My father's always been full of important news. This week's important news? He got a new pair of jeans. Dad's an engineer, so, to him, life is basically a series of problems to be solved, and his approach to grieving has been no exception. Thanks to his therapist, Tim, dad is taking walks, reading books, watching DVDs. Everything is about taking productive steps forward, even if he isn't totally ready.
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Robert : When are you getting a haircut? I've not seen your forehead in 15 years.
Dean : With the hair again?
Robert : You're living in the '60's.
[He demonstrates life in the '60s with the hair and Hare Krishna thing]
Dean : What is that? Was that the '60's?
Robert : Yeah.
[demonstrates slide whistle]
Robert : It's done.
Dean : I'm in the conga line and I'm playing a slide whistle.
Robert : That wasn't the conga line. I was doing the Hare Krishna thing.
Dean : It looks like a conga line.
Robert : I see.
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Robert : Look, I'm... I'm going to talk to you about, some news.
Dean : Mm-hmm?
Robert : I'm gonna sell the house.
Dean : What are you talking about?
Robert : I'm selling the house.
Dean : You're just out of the blue gonna sell our house?
Robert : It's not out of the blue. I've given it some thought, ok? I can't live there. It's-it's ridiculous. It makes no sense for me to stay there. It's too big.
Dean : It's too big?
Robert : Yeah.
Dean : Could you just like not use all the rooms or something? Maybe you could like, I don't know, cover up the furniture in some of the rooms under there with sheets. Just don't go in there.
Robert : Wha - Like I'm a countess?
Dean : I don't know. I just think this is hasty, you know? We need to talk about this. I grew up there. I don't want to just sell our house.
Robert : Dean, It...
[phone rings]
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Dean : [on the phone] Hey, Dad.
Robert : Oh, you're there. Are you back?
Dean : No, I'm still in LA. I decided to stay a bit longer
Robert : What are you doing out there.
Dean : Just working on my tan. I was gonna maybe get my chest waxed.
Robert : You are?
Dean : No, I'm just catching up with Eric and just trying to take a little break, just - I'm out here.
Robert : A break from what?
Dean : You know, just everything at home. Things are kind of heavy. I just want to get a little breather.
Robert : I see. No, it's a good idea. Why don't you go on to Hawaii?
Dean : Okay, I'm not on vacation. I'm still working on my new book. You know, I can do that from here, too.
Robert : I need to talk to you about the house.
Dean : Okay, okay, right, yeah. Let's talk about the house.
Robert : We had an open house and...
Dean : Whoa, wait, wait. We were gonna make the decision about the house together.
Robert : Yeah, we did. I did. And I - Since you decided to run away.
Dean : Okay, I didn't run away. I came to meet those ad people. Can we just not do anything about the house until I get back? Okay?
Robert : Okay.
