Black-ish (TV Series)

Crime and Punishment (2014)

Laurence Fishburne: Pops

Quotes 

• Pops : Dre! Can I talk to you for a minute?

  Andre 'Dre' Johnson : Yeah, what's up, Pops?

  Pops : I want to show you something. Recognize this?

  Andre 'Dre' Johnson : Oh my God, is that that piece of Hot Wheels track you used to beat me with?

  Pops : Mmm-hmmm.

  Andre 'Dre' Johnson : You kept that all these years, huh?

  Pops : Every time I got ready to throw it out you'd do something stupid. Relax, son, I want you to have it. It's really the perfect thing. There's nothing better than beating someone with something they love.

  Andre 'Dre' Johnson : Jack does not love that, Pops. Hell, kids don't even play with those anymore.

  Pops : Well, beat him with something I love. Now I love this because I used to beat you with it.

  Andre 'Dre' Johnson : How many White Russians have you had?

  Pops : Irrelevant, but a lot.

• Andre Johnson, Jr. : [describing when he was spanked]  It was the Thursday of a leap year. The air was crisp, the sky was blue, and the belt was black!

  Jack Johnson : I don't want to hear any more!

  Andre Johnson, Jr. : Not even about the color of my tears? They were red!

  Jack Johnson : Aaaah!

  Zoey Johnson : Okay. Don't be mean. He's scared.

  Andre Johnson, Jr. : He should be. It's terrifying. I mean, not for me. I'm too old to be spanked. I've aged out.

  Pops : Where'd you hear that, Junior?

  Andre Johnson, Jr. : Well, I mean, I'm 13 now. That means I'm out of the whupping window.

  Pops : Yeah, but you still have an ass, don't you? That means you're still in the window.

  Diane Johnson : My research shows we have legal options: emancipation, extrication, and if all else fails, relocation.

  Pops : Damn, Diane, I wish I had you when I divorced Grandma. Might've held on to my Lincoln.

  Andre Johnson, Jr. : You're just messing with me, right? I mean, nobody's going to spank a ninth-grader, right?

  Pops : What's age got to do with it? I spanked your daddy when he came home for the summer from college. He was all "Oh, I'm in college now! Listen to how smart my mouth is!" I was like POP!

  Zoey Johnson : Okay, come on, Pops! We all know no one spanks anymore.

  Pops : Oh, well look who's sitting there all cocky thinking she's safe 'cause she's a girl. Whupping don't care what you are. An ass is an ass is an ass is an ass. POP!

• Pops : So what should I wear to the whupping? Black 'cause it's a somber occasion? White 'cause you're whupping virgin ass?