Schitt's Creek (TV Series)

Carl's Funeral (2015)

Emily Hampshire: Stevie Budd

Quotes 

• David Rose : Are you sure you should be cleaning that up? I don't know what that is?

  Stevie Budd : I wouldn't be cleaning that up if I didn't know what it was?

  David Rose : You were a bit of a mess last night.

  Stevie Budd : [Short pause]  Did I try to make out with you?

  David Rose : No.

  [Picks up a thong with a broom handle] 

  David Rose : Is this your thong?

  Stevie Budd : No! Bree is a really classy lady. I found that wrapped around the remote control. Don't worry I threw the remote control out.

  David Rose : [David finds a stash of marijuana inside a pillow case]  Uh-oh! It looks like someone has a side hustle? Marijuana!

  Stevie Budd : If you're asking me if I want to smoke it my answer is yes!

  [David shakes the baggie] 

• David Rose : [Stoned]  Want to know where I got my hat bruh?

  Stevie Budd : Where?

  David Rose : Assholes-R-Us!

  [laughing as Stevie rolls over, falls off of the bed and hits David in the back of his head with her leg] 

  Bree , Sean : [shouting at each other with their baby crying] 

  David Rose : Oh my god! OH MY GOD! We need to go! We need to go!

  [David and Stevie duck into a room next to Bree and Sean's room!] 

  Sean : [angrily]  What the ##ck?

  David Rose : [Whispering]  I got his hat!

  [laughing] 

  David Rose : [Short pause! David slams Stevie up against the door and they start kissing each other. They then move towards the wall that has the light switch attached to a disco ball. David puts his arms out and drops his empty beer bottles on the floor while Stevie starts to rub her hands up and down David's waist and hips] 

• David Rose : Some very scummy people moved in next door!

  Stevie Budd : Are they very skaggy?

  David Rose : Very skaggy!

  Stevie Budd : Imagine being related to them?

  David Rose : Wait? You're related to Carl?

  Stevie Budd : Not related by blood but my mom's sister married Carl which makes Sean my step-cousin.

  David Rose : Wow! And Sean got Bree pregnant?

  Stevie Budd : Someone got Bree pregnant. I mean Bree isn't exactly fussy about introducing men to her vagina.

• David Rose : There are some very skaggy people who happened to produce a baby that hasn't been taken away from them yet. They are very scummy people

  Stevie Budd : Yeah, imagine being related to them. They're my half cousins.

  David Rose : Wait you're related to Carl?

  Stevie Budd : Not genetically, my mother's sister was married to Carl. He died before Sean got Bree Pregnant or somebody got Bree pregnant. I mean, she's not exactly fussy when it comes to introducing men to her vagina.

  David Rose : And was that a factor in his death?

  Stevie Budd : I wouldn't be surprised!