- When Abby announces that she is staying in the loft permanently, Nick is left to baby-sit her while Jess looks for a place for Abby to live. Winston is nervous about looking at the results of his LAPD entrance exam.
- In the loft, Jess's sister Abby teaches the guys a name of "Sky Knife." It involves throwing knives into the ceiling, point first, and trying to get them to stick. Like vertical darts. Jess comes home and Nick tackles her -- she was in the drop zone.
Abby has been there a week and Jess thinks she's sowing chaos. Abby goes to Schmidt's to get the good knives. The guys are all having a great time. Abby comes back in a fake panic saying someone has found her and he wants his stuff. Jess falls for it and Nick has to explain she's been pranked. The guys love it.
Abby announces she'd like to live there.
Later, Winston waits to see his LAPD entrance exam results, which go live in 30 seconds. Abby lays on the import of the moment, that he's about to get life changing information. She asks if he's cool under pressure, but Winston admits he's a huge choker. He declines to check his results, saying he has to go to a "sandwich meeting."
Jess goes to Nick for help with Abby, but he doesn't want to get in the middle of her weird sister thing. Winston interrupts, asking if they want to go to Alhambra to try on jeans. When Nick asks about the cop test, Winston leaves. Jess is sure Abby is behind the weirdness.
But she can't just tell Abby not to live there, because Abby always does the opposite of what people want. Instead, Jess is going to find Abby an apartment and try to convince Abby it was her idea. Nick doesn't think you can lie to a liar, but Jess uses some basic reverse psychology to outfox him and he agrees to distract Abby.
Coach is training a hot woman at his gym when Winston drops by, determined to work on getting rid of his "pizza baby." Coach is trying to put the moves on his client, but Winston booked Coach for the whole afternoon. Winston suggests a tandem session. The hot chick suggests Coach stretch Winston out, giving Coach a Winston crotch eyeful.
Nick takes Abby to a vintage car museum and she instantly smells something is up. She hops on the hood of a car and refuses to get off until Nick tells her what's going on. He confesses that Jess is looking for a safe place for her to live because she doesn't want Abby living with them.
Jess and Cece go check out apartments. On the tenth one, Jess asks if the other tenants are men from the ages of 16 to 72. The manager tells them "most of the other tenants are middle-aged gay veterans like myself." Cece wonders where her life would have gone if she had lived in a place like this when she was 19.
At the car museum, Nick has called Schmidt for reinforcements since crazy girls are kind of his "Hurt Locker."
Schmidt thinks for a minute then goes over to Abby and asks her if she wants to go get a taco. Abby hops off the hood.
Back at the gym, Coach gets tired of Winston jock blocking him and grabs his phone to check his score. Winston failed.
Nick comes back to Schmidt's apartment and finds him hog tied on his kitchen island with Abby melting chocolate at the stove in a mini-robe. Schmidt explains they're having sex.
Nick is sure Jess is going to be angry and say his name in the clipped way without the "k." He demonstrates the different pronunciations.
Coach gets coffee with Winston to cheer him up. Winston thinks he choked. Coach suggests Winston try to get a job at the coffee shop then try the cop thing again later. Winston realizes how much he needs the coffee shop job and gets in his own head.
Back at the loft, Nick tries to avoid telling Jess what's going on with Abby. When he suggests Schmidt could keep Abby busy, Jess says Abby would wreck him.
Jess wants to have dinner, get Abby buzzed and then mention the apartment casually. Nick stumbles, Jess offers to write him some lines.
At the coffee shop, Winston interviews with the manager. When he's asked his three weakest qualities, Winston chokes and starts talking. "I hate standing up, I'm bad with numbers, and I just honestly, from the bottom of my heart, don't think that women should be allowed to handle money," he says.
The manager flips the application over and points out Winston didn't fill out the back. Winston suddenly wonders if the cop exam had a back. "I didn't choke, I'm just careless!" he says, resolving to go to the station to check.
At dinner, Jess continues prompting Nick for his lines. Schmidt joins them because Abby invited him. With Jess not looking, Abby starts playing with Schmidt under the table. Jess finally realizes something is off and Nick confesses everything, including that Abby is giving Schmidt a "special."
Nick blames the sisters for forcing him into a day of lying by not being honest with each other. Abby accuses Jess of trying to change her and Jess says Abby doesn't think or care about other people and she does, which is why Abby can't live there.
Abby announces she's moving out and moving in with Schmidt. She sells him on the idea by saying they'd have sex all the time. As he's leaving, Schmidt asks Jess for her glasses so they can role play as Nick and Jess.
At the police station, Winston is informed he took the test on a computer -- it has no back. Winston calls himself a failure and gets up to wallow.
Coach follows and starts telling Winston he failed hard. "This is like the Winston of pep talks," Winston says.
Coach continues, telling Winston there's nothing to be afraid of -- he's already hit rock bottom and there's nowhere else to fail.
Winston asks to retake the test and is told there's another at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow.
Back in Nick's room, Jess thanks him for messing everything up and being a terrible liar. She feels better after saying those things to Abby. Jess tries for a round of Sky Knife, but it ricochets back down and limbs are almost lost.
In the elevator in the morning, Abby asks Winston if he's thought about what he'd do if he gets paired with a dirty cop. When he says he'd go to Internal Affairs, Abby continues to mess with him, saying they'd put him in panties and bury him next to a prostitute. "But good luck!" she says.
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