- Korg: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Korg. I'm kind of like the leader in here. I'm made of rocks, as you can see, but don't let that intimidate you. You don't need to be afraid, unless you're made of scissors! Just a little Rock, Paper, Scissors joke for you.
- Thor: Hey, let's do 'Get Help'.
- Loki: What?
- Thor: 'Get Help'.
- Loki: No.
- Thor: Come on. You love it.
- Loki: I hate it.
- Thor: It's great. It works every time.
- Loki: It's humiliating.
- Thor: Do you have a better plan?
- Loki: No.
- Thor: We're doing it.
- Loki: We are not doing 'Get Help'.
- [Thor carries Loki out of the elevator in front of the guards]
- Thor: Get help! Please! My brother is dying! Get help! Help him!
- [as the guard approach them, Thor throws Loki at them, knocking them down]
- Thor: A classic.
- Loki: [gets up] I still hate it. It's humiliating.
- Thor: Not for me, it's not.
- Thor: How did you end up here?
- Korg: Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn't print enough pamphlets so hardly anyone turned up. Except for my mum and her boyfriend, who I hate. As punishment, I was forced to be in here and become a gladiator. Bit of a promotional disaster that one, but I'm actually organizing another revolution. I don't know if you'd be interested in something like that? Do you reckon you'd be interested?
- Loki: Hello, Bruce.
- Bruce Banner: Last time we saw you, you were trying to kill everyone. What are you up to these days?
- Loki: It varies from moment to moment.
- [a chained Thor is dropped from his cage to face Surtur in his throne]
- Surtur: Thor, son of Odin.
- Thor: Surtur! Son of... a bitch! You're still alive! I thought my father killed you like, half a million years ago.
- Surtur: I cannot die. Not until I fulfill my destiny, and lay waste to your home.
- Thor: You know, it's funny you should mention that. Because I've been having these terrible dreams of late! Asgard up in flames. Falling to ruins. And you, Surtur. The center of all of it.
- Surtur: Then you have seen Ragnarok, the fall of Asgard, the great prophecy...
- Thor: [rotates away from Surtur briefly] Hang on! Hang on. I'll be... back around shortly, you know, I really feel like we were connecting there. Now... okay, so, Ragnarök, tell me about that. Walk me through it.
- Surtur: My time has come when my crown is reunited with the Eternal Flame! I shall be restored to my full might, and will tower over the mountains to bury my sword deep into Asgard!
- Thor: [rotates again] Hang on! Give it a second... I swear, I'm not even moving! It's doing this on its own!
- [Banner places his hand on the Quinjet's handprint scanner]
- Quinjet Computer: Voice activation required.
- Bruce Banner: Banner.
- Quinjet Computer: Welcome, Strongest Avenger.
- [after knocking down Hulk, Thor approaches him]
- Thor: [copies Black Widow] Hey, big guy. Sun's getting real low. I don't want to hurt you anymore.
- [Hulk grabs Thor and flattens him with repeated smashes into the floor]
- Loki: [cheers] YES! That's what it feels like!
- Loki: [to the Grandmaster] I'm just a big fan of the sport.
- Thor: [to the Hulk] So much has happened since I last saw you! I lost my hammer, like yesterday, so that's still fresh. Then I went on a journey of self-discovery. Then I met you.
- [Thor turns on the Quinjet's computer and places his hand on the handprint scanner]
- Quinjet Computer: Welcome. Voice activation required.
- Thor: Thor.
- Quinjet Computer: Access denied.
- Thor: Thor, God of Thunder.
- Quinjet Computer: Access denied.
- Thor: Son of Odin.
- Quinjet Computer: Access denied.
- Thor: Strongest Avenger.
- Quinjet Computer: Access denied.
- Thor: Strongest Avenger!
- Quinjet Computer: Access denied.
- [pause]
- Thor: Damn you, Stark. Point Break.
- Quinjet Computer: Welcome, Point Break.
- Bruce Banner: [on Loki] I was just talking to him just a couple minutes ago and he was totally ready to kill any of us.
- Valkyrie: He did try to kill me.
- Thor: Yes, me too. On many, many occasions. There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it and he transformed back into himself and he was like, "Blergh, it's me!". And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time.
- Thor: If you knew where he was, why didn't you call me?
- Dr. Stephen Strange: I had to tell you. He did not want to be disturbed. Your father. He had chosen to remain in exile. And you don't have a phone.
- Thor: No, I don't have a phone but you could have sent me an electronic letter. It's called an email.
- Dr. Stephen Strange: Yeah. Do you have a computer?
- Thor: No. What for?
- Grandmaster: I just, I gotta say. I'm proud of you all. This revolution has been a huge success. Yay us! Pat, pat on the back. Pat on the back. Come on. No? Me, too. 'Cause I've been a big part of it. Can't have a revolution without somebody to overthrow! So, ah, you're welcome. And, uh, it's a tie.
- Thor: Has anyone here fought the Grandmaster's champion?
- Korg: Yeah. Doug has. Hey, Doug. Could you come over here? Oh, yeah, I forgot, Doug's dead. Anyone who fights the Grandmaster's champion perished. You're not actually thinking about fighting him, are you?
- Thor: Yes, I am. I'm gonna fight him, win, and get the hell off this planet!
- Korg: That's exactly what Doug used to say! See you later, New Doug!
- Thor: I think we should disband the Revengers.
- Loki: Hit her with a lightning blast.
- Thor: I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing.
- Valkyrie: We just need to hold her off until everyone's on board.
- Thor: It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard, the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.
- Valkyrie: So what do we do?
- Loki: I'm not doing 'get help'.
- [first lines]
- [Thor is thrown into Muspelheim in chains]
- Thor: I know what you're thinking. "Oh, no. Thor's in a cage. How did this happen?" Well, sometimes you have to get captured just to get a straight answer out of something. It's a long story. Basically, I'm a bit of a hero. See, I've spent some time on Earth... for the record, I saved the planet a couple of times. Then I went searching through the cosmos for a couple of magic colorful Infinity Stone things... but didn't find any. That's when I came across a path of death, and destruction. Which led me all the way here to this cage... where I met you.
- [looks at a skeleton]
- Thor: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were going to fight side-by-side forever, but at the end of the day you're you and I'm me and... oh, maybe there's still good in you but... let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.
- Loki: [emotional] Yeah... it's probably for the best that we'll never see each other again.
- Thor: That's what you always wanted.
- [pats Loki on the back]
- Thor: Hela, the goddess of death, has invaded Asgard! And you and I had a fight.
- Bruce Banner: Did I win?
- Thor: No, I won! Easily!
- Bruce Banner: That doesn't sound right...
- Thor: Well, it's true!
- Thor: [to Valkyrie] You know, I used to want to be a Valkyrie when I was younger, until I found out you were all women. There's nothing wrong with women, of course, I like women. Sometimes a little too much. Not in a creepy way, just more like a respectful appreciation. I think it's great, an elite force of women warriors.
- [entering the Vault of Asgard]
- Skurge: [awestruck] Asgard's treasures...
- Hela: [knocks over the Infinity Gauntlet] Fake! Most of this stuff is fake anyway.
- Hela: [looks at the Casket of Ancient Winters] Weak!
- Hela: [looks at the Crown of Surtur] That's smaller than I expected.
- Hela: [looks at the Tesseract] That's actually... not bad.
- Hela: [approaches the Eternal Flame] Now this... this is truly special.
- Grandmaster: [from trailer] It's main event time. And now, I give you your Incredible, Astonishingly Savage...
- [the Hulk bursts through the stadium door]
- Thor: YES!
- [everyone in the stadium looks confused]
- Thor: Hey, hey! We know each other! He's a friend from work! Where have you been? Everybody thought you were dead! So much has happened since I last saw you. I lost my hammer like, yesterday so that's still pretty fresh. Loki, he's alive! Can you believe it? He's up there. Hey Loki! Look who it is!
- Grandmaster: Hey Sparkles, here's the deal: you want to get back to ass-place, ass-berg...
- Thor: ASGARD!
- Grandmaster: Any contender who defeats my champion, their freedom they shall win.
- Thor: Fine. Then point me in the direction of whoever's ass I have to kick!
- Thor: Where's Odin?
- Loki: You just couldn't stay away, could you? Everything was fine without you. Asgard was prospering. You ruined everything! Ask them!
- Thor: Where's Father? Did you kill him?
- Loki: You have what you wanted. You have the independence you asked for. Ah!
- [Thor puts Mjolnir on his chest]
- Loki: ouch, ok! I know exactly where he is.
- Loki: [Thor & Loki transport to NYC via Bifrost. Arrived at Shady Acres Care Home that's being demolished to ruins] I swear I left him right here.
- Thor: Right here on the sidewalk or right here where the building's being demolished? Great planning!
- Loki: How was I supposed to know? I can't the see the future. I'm not a witch.
- Thor: No? Then why are you dressed like one?
- Loki: [Annoyed] Hey!
- Thor: I can't believe you're alive! I saw you die. I mourned you. I cried for you.
- Loki: I'm... honored?
- [Grandmaster is announcing the Hulk into the Sakaaran Arena]
- Grandmaster: ...The champion! The Defending! I give you, your Incredible...
- [Hulk enters the arena, roars]
- Loki: [to himself] I have to get off this planet.
- Grandmaster: [Runs into Loki as he is trying to run away] Whoa, whoa, where are you going? Sit down.
- Hulk: HULK! HULK! HULK!
- Thor: [to the Grandmaster] Hey! Hey! We know each other, he's a friend from work!
- Thor: [to Hulk] Where have you been? Everyone thought you were dead! There's so much that's happened since I last saw you! I lost my hammer, like yesterday so that's still pretty fresh. Loki, Lok - Loki's alive, can you believe it? He's up there!
- [Hulk glances at Loki]
- Thor: Hey, Loki! Look who it is!
- [Loki is horrorstruck]
- Hela: Tell me about yourself, Skurge.
- Skurge: Well, my dad was a stone mason and...
- Hela: Yeah. Right. Ok. I'll just... I'll stop you there. What I meant was what's your ambition?
- Skurge: I just want a chance to prove myself.
- Hela: Recognition. Every great king had an executioner. Not just to execute people but to also execute their vision. But mainly to execute people. Still, it was a great honor. I was Odin's executioner. And now you shall be mine.
- Grandmaster: I love when you come to visit, 142. You keep bringing me just the best stuff. Whenever we get to talk to Topaz about Scrapper-142, what do I always say? She is, and it starts with a B.
- Topaz: Trash.
- Grandmaster: No. Not trash. Were you waiting to just call her that? It doesn't start with a B!
- Thor: [aboard the Commodore] Where are the weapons?
- Valkyrie: There aren't any! It's a leisure vessel.
- Bruce Banner: What?
- Valkyrie: The Grandmaster uses it for his good times: orgies and stuff.
- Bruce Banner: Did she just say the Grandmaster uses it for orgies?
- Thor: Yeah. Don't touch anything.
- Bruce Banner: I don't know how to fly this thing!
- Thor: You're a doctor, you have PhDs. You should figure it out.
- Bruce Banner: None of them for flying alien spaceships!