- Sheldon Cooper: What is your problem?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's Valentine's Day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh really? Because I remember you saying that trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you really mean that or were you just trying to trick me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, if you want romance, let's have romance. Oh, look, there's wine.
- [Takes Amy's wine glass and drinks]
- Sheldon Cooper: Grape juice that burns. Um, let's now gaze into each other's eyes.
- [Looks at Amy's eyes]
- Sheldon Cooper: You blinked, I win.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: What's next? Oh, kissing's romantic.
- [Amy doesn't believe him, gets kissed and enjoys it. So does Sheldon]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: That was nice.
- Sheldon Cooper: Good. Um. The conductor said if I come back to the engine room he'd show me how to bring the train through a crossing.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: OK, have fun.
- Sheldon Cooper: Do you want to come with me?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Really? I do.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I propose we spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast in Napa valley.
- Sheldon Cooper: I hate every word in that sentence, including "in", "at", "we" and "a".
- Penny: Happy Valentines Day!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Flowers and chocolates? You trying to get me out of my panties?
- Penny: Don't be surprised if you find five chocolates missing and three gross coconut ones with a bite taken out. Came that way when I bought it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I got you a little something too.
- [Gives Penny a jewelry box]
- Penny: Oh my. Jewelry.
- [Opens box]
- Penny: Oh, my God. Lakers' tickets!
- Leonard Hofstadter: It gets better. Instead of me, you can take someone who will actually enjoy it.
- Penny: Aww! You are the best boyfriend ever!
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you, seriously, please don't make me go.
- Penny: Should we take this little party to the bedroom?
- Leonard Hofstadter: We don't have to. We have the whole place to ourselves.
- Penny: Oh that's true.
- Leonard Hofstadter: In fact, if you want we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
- Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: To the bedroom!
- Yvette: Are you the owner?
- Raj Koothrappali: Owner, father, and if something happens to her your worse nightmare!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are you all right?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's Valentines Day, and my boyfriend is hanging out with some weirdo. How do you think I feel?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: To be fair, they're both weirdos.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Hey, guys. See if you can guess this one.
- [Mimes shooting herself in the head]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Bang! Splat! Thud!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Item 28 your pet name for me. Time's running out on this. You need to make decision.
- Sheldon Cooper: I submitted you a notarized list.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I sorry, but Golum and Flaky are not acceptable.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, you don't like Princess Corncob. You don't like Fester. You're just impossible to please.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You sure you guys don't want to come with us to Napa. You can probably still get a room.
- Penny: No. I think we'll just have a quiet weekend at home.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Of course I'm not sure it's a great idea to take Penny where wine comes from. What? It's a joke. Oh, come on. We bust on each other. I wear dorky glasses and you might have a problem. It's all for laughs.
- Penny: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh and I'd like for at least one of us to see some action so if you guys happen to have sex it's cool if she stays in the room.
- Penny: The same goes with the two of you with Amy.
- [Amy smiles]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Why do I even try?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm going to fix this right now.
- Howard Wolowitz: OK. Just make it look light an accident.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Excuse me. You at a Valentine's dinner with your girlfriend. Now get back over there and be with her.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're right. That was insensitive of me. I have to got back to my table now. You should join us.
- Eric: All right.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Great. Now there's two of them.
- Raj Koothrappali: You do whatever it takes to save her life. If she needs any new organs I'll buy any dog necessary and scrap them for parts.
- Sheldon Cooper: How many trains have you been on?
- Eric: Tons. A box fell on my head at UPS six years ago. Now I just collect disability and ride trains.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wow, your life's amazing.
- Eric: Not always. A box fell on my head at UPS six years ago. Now I just collect disability and ride trains.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: An evening looking at the stars. That's still kind of romantic.
- Raj Koothrappali: Except I'd be alone.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.
- Sheldon Cooper: In what world is a 4-4-6-4 a 4-10-4?
- Howard Wolowitz: A world I don't want to live in. Seriously I no longer want to live in this world.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me. I think you're being a little rude.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [furious] I'm being rude? You've been rude to me this entire evening.
- Sheldon Cooper: How is that possible? I've hardly spoken to you since we got on the train.
- Eric: Here's my impression of the Amtrak Acela barreling down the eastern corridor. Wha wha wha wha shhhhh, wha wha wha wha shhhhh, wha wha wha wha shhhhh.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's like there's a train in your mouth.
- Penny: Oh my God!
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's a little late, but I'll take it.
- Penny: No. Cinnamon ate the chocolates. That's really bad for dogs.
- Sheldon Cooper: What if my room has a claw-foot bathtub?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It doesn't. I know it makes you feel like you're bathing inside a monster.
- Sheldon Cooper: The conductor and I have the same pocket watch.
- Eric: It was crazy.
- Sheldon Cooper: Dare I say, loco?
- Sheldon Cooper: This is going to be the best Valentine's day ever.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm so glad you like it.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm prepared to say I love it, as soon as I confirm there are no hobos aboard.