- Penelope Garcia: Oh, beauty and brains! Hey eyebrows: when they do the men of the FBI calendar, is it just 12 months of you?
- Derek Morgan: Welcome to the team!
- [2004, FBI Field Office, San Jose, California]
- Aaron Hotchner: We've got you, Miss Garcia!
- Penelope Garcia: If you say so, suit!
- Aaron Hotchner: We've got evidence of your off-site servers and of your hack into the cosmetics company
- Penelope Garcia: They test on animals!
- Aaron Hotchner: Yes they do, but it's not illegal; what you've done is a felony and it's punishable by prison
- Penelope Garcia: You've got me J. Edgar
- Aaron Hotchner: It's agent Hotchner. And I'm of the Behavior Analysis Unit! And I'm here to offer you an option to prison: you come work for me, you be our technical analyst
- Penelope Garcia: So, I teach you how to use Google, that kind of thing? That's fun!
- Aaron Hotchner: You'd help us hunt psychopaths
- Penelope Garcia: I'm a psychopath!
- Aaron Hotchner: No. you're not! In hacker circles you're known as the Black Queen. And you are rigorously moral: all of your online attacks reflect a fierce desire to protect those who you think are being hurt. You accept my offer and you can do the same thing for the federal government. I just need a resume to give to human resources. Or we prosecute you!
- Penelope Garcia: Well, I'm not in the habit of bringing my resume to events I am handcuffed at! But I have some stationary in my purse and I will write down some computery stuff I know and think about it!
- [Morgan enters, Hotchner answers phone, Garcia starts writing on pink paper]
- Aaron Hotchner: I need an answer
- Penelope Garcia: Yes, if I can keep my purse
- Aaron Hotchner: Good choice!
- Penelope Garcia: [closing quote] "To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, it's still allowed and I think you'll be happier for the trouble" - Bill Watterson
- Derek Morgan: [opening quote] "People often say that this or that person ''has not yet found himself'', but the self is not something one finds, it's something one creates" - Thomas Szasz
- David Rossi: Blake found one potential lead. It was the last client that Debbie kept before she went off the grid. It was by the name of Mr. Smith
- Aaron Hotchner: Will Mr. Smith talk to us?
- David Rossi: Once Blake promised that we wouldn't ruin his marriage. She's bringing in him now
- [Blake enters with a woman and points her to the interview room; Blake walks to the others]
- David Rossi: Who is that?
- Alex Blake: Mr. Smith!
- David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner, Dr. Spencer Reid: [All three at the same time] Aaahh
- Alex Blake: Hackers have signatures?
- Penelope Garcia: Sometimes. Usually it's a message in the code to let other pros know, "Hey, this one was me." And in this case, the signature matches the DOJ hack, and it is, "Happy Fun Meow Meow."
- Jennifer Jareau: Sorry, what?
- Penelope Garcia: "Happy Fun Meow Meow."
- David Rossi: What the hell does that mean?
- Aaron Hotchner: It was Garcia's signature before she joined the BAU.
- David Rossi: Any idea who's behind it?
- Penelope Garcia: Best guess is that's online collective known as Star Chamber. There one of several justice oriented groups that sprung up in the wake of the Steubenville rape case
- Alex Blake: Star Chamber? Interesting name
- Dr. Spencer Reid: It's derived from the 17th century British court designed to ensure fair enforcement of laws against the rich and powerful
- Penelope Garcia: Actually according to my research they named it that because it's also the name of a mediocre, yet awesome Michael Douglas movie from 1983
- Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, it's interesting how much you can tell about a person by what they choose to read. This shelf, for instance, is devoted to Ayn Rand, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris.
- Bob Cooper: So?
- Dr. Spencer Reid: You're an atheist.
- Alex Blake: And your comment about the stack of bibles is a linguistic tell. You're overcompensating, which means you're hiding something.
- Penelope Garcia: It's time.
- Derek Morgan: Time for what?
- Penelope Garcia: Isn't it obvious, eyebrows? I have to get into character.
- Rhonda: Sexual harassment isn't always a quid pro quo arrangement. Maybe it's a conversation between two co-workers that makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe these co-workers use phrases like, "Baby girl." "Chocolate thunder. " Or, "Where's my big black twelve-pack?"
- Penelope Garcia: [whispers] Who blabbed?
- Rhonda: And that creates a what? A hostile work environment. So, messages like, "More cushion for the pushing" Not appropriate. "I'll be Coco to your Ice-T." Not appropriate. "Flarpy blunderguff." I don't even know what that means.
- [Garcia receives a text message]
- Rhonda: But, not appropriate. Ms. Garcia, you really have to stay for this.
- Penelope Garcia: I'm sorry, but I got... I... I have to... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so... I'm so, so sorry.
- Rhonda: Not appropriate.
- Penelope Garcia: So, I have a confession to make.
- Derek Morgan: Mm.
- Penelope Garcia: You are not the first guy to call me "baby girl."
- Derek Morgan: Get outta here.
- Penelope Garcia: It's true.
- Derek Morgan: It better not be that guy.
- Penelope Garcia: Oh. No. Actually, it was a different guy.
- Derek Morgan: Okay, I'll bite. How did this pretender to the throne end up stealing my fire?
- Penelope Garcia: I'm going to tell you, but first, I have to explain an explicit, sexually inappropriate detail what a flarpy blunderguff is. Okay, so, you need like an oil-based paint and some charcoal and some sort of food that you love. I mean love, because you are gonna be with it...
- Aaron Hotchner: There's something else we need to discuss. When we got the files back from the Star Chamber, we noticed a detail about the strangulations we hadn't seen before.
- Jennifer Jareau: What we noticed about the killer is when he was choking out these women, their hair... their hair would collect around their throats, like this. And he would grip it so tight... he would rip the hair out by the roots... So, we realized the old killer's signature that the new killer didn't copy... was hair.
- [Russell breaks the prayer beads bound with hair]
- Jennifer Jareau: Your partner on the outside fed that to you, and every time you got a lock of your victim's hair, it was a promise that your plan was still in motion ,and that he'd get you off. Well, instead, the two of you are going to die in here together.
- Aaron Hotchner: [puts the hair into the evidence bag] Let me explain to you what's going to happen. We're gonna go to the Governor and he's going to halt your execution and withdraw the charges for the first murders. And then we're going to retry you for the other four murders.
- Sam Russell: That's mine. You gotta... Give it back.
- [shouts]
- Sam Russell: Give it back! Stop! It's mine!
- John Nichols: What is going on?
- Shane Wyeth: She's back.
- [claps his hands seeing Garcia comes in]
- Shane Wyeth: Very nice... You... You've lost weight... You miss me?
- Penelope Garcia: No.
- Shane Wyeth: Okay... Why don't you... prove it?
- Penelope Garcia: [to Ethan] Hi.
- Ethan: Hi.
- Penelope Garcia: I'm going to kiss you.
- Ethan: Okay.
- Penelope Garcia: [after kissing Ethan] Thank you.
- [to Shane]
- Penelope Garcia: We have a lot to talk about.
- Shane Wyeth: Yes, we do.
- Shane Wyeth: When I win, what do I get?
- Penelope Garcia: When you log on to the DOJ website, there'll be a picture of me and Super Special Agent Derek Morgan with shoes on our heads.
- [Shane grins and disappears]
- Penelope Garcia: He just left the table.
- Derek Morgan: Did he take the bait?
- Penelope Garcia: I don't know.
- Derek Morgan: What's the shoe on the head mean?
- Penelope Garcia: Uh, it's an Internet thing.