- Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own?
- Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.
- Christy: Okay... How many cats do you love?
- Marjorie: [pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight.
- Christy: [walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!
- Luke: No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.
- Christy: What?
- Violet: None of my stupid pants fit!
- Christy: Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.
- Violet: I did but I still wanted to be hot.
- Christy: You *were* hot, that's why you're pregnant.
- Gabriel: Christy, can you tell me why the Japanese people at table 5 are wearing surgical masks?
- Christy: [deeply congested voice] Because they are paranoid.
- [sneezes loudly]
- Gabriel: Are you sick?
- Christy: No, I'm not sick. I have allergies.
- Gabriel: Well either way you don't look too good, maybe you should just go home and take it easy.
- Christy: You know what, Baxter? Maybe I should. Maybe we should all just go home and be with our loved ones. Because you know what? Death is going to come for all of us, it's coming for *you*, and *you*, and *you*... and YOU!
- Marjorie: I baked brownies for Christy's son's bake sale. These are regular, and these are no sugar, no dairy and no gluten: I call them frownies.
- Bonnie: Hey look, Angelina Jolie's new breasts. Life gave her lemons, she turned them into grapefruits.
- Christy: You should just be grateful, Violet, because you're healthy, and your health is everything, it's the only thing that matters.
- Violet: Yeah but...
- Christy: No buts! Now take those jeans off, put on a pair of sweat pants, and PRAY for a C-section because that baby is going to do MASSIVE DAMAGE on its way out!
- [leaves Violet's room, Bonnie's on the couch applauding]
- Christy: [driving home from the bistro] I can't believe that about Marjorie.
- Bonnie: I know. She doesn't look sick.
- Christy: Well, she did order soup, and that is the official dish of sick people.
- Bonnie: You think she's faking it?
- Christy: Who fakes having cancer?
- Bonnie: I did once. I was dating this guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Two years later I run into him at a Costco and tried to pass it off as 'It's a miracle!'
- Christy: Who'd think that'd blow up in your face?
- Bonnie: I know, I never go to Costco!
- Marjorie: [after Bonnie and Christy embarrasses her by flirting with her cancer doctor] Why would I need new boobs when I have you two?