- [Piper hangs up the phone and bangs on the wall angrily]
- Charles Ford: Hey! That's federal property.
- Piper Chapman: *You're* federal property!
- Charles Ford: [raises his eyebrows and pulls out his notebook to write Piper a shot]
- Piper Chapman: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. It's menses! It's menses madness!
- Charles Ford: [disgusted] Ew. Just go.