2 Broke Girls (TV Series)

And the Group Head (2013)

Beth Behrs: Caroline Channing

Photos 

Quotes 

• Girl : [Max and Caroline are taking orders at a Starbucks]  I'll have a tall cap, triple shot, half calf.

  Max Black : Small scrap, nipple slap, half half!

  Girl : That's not what I said.

  Caroline Channing : Tall cap, triple shot, half calf?

  Max Black : Girl, you're good at this. You should work at Starbucks.

• Caroline Channing : [Caroline is talking about the new cappuccino machine]  Okay, good. Now we've got the power on, but how do we steam the milk? Maybe it's on this touchpad thing.

  [Caroline pushes a button and a ton of hot steam comes out and Caroline screams] 

  Caroline Channing : Oh, Holy Mother of God! I just steamed my vagina.

  Han Lee : [Han comes into the back diner area]  Max, Caroline, your shift started three minutes ago.

  Caroline Channing : Who cares about sidework? I probably can't have children.

  Han Lee : What is wrong with her?

  Max Black : She just had her carpet steamed-cleaned.

• Luis : Is Oleg in here? I thought I smelled him. That delicious mix of man and butter.

  Caroline Channing : Oleg's in the closet.

  Luis : Oh, honey, I could've told you that.

  Caroline Channing : Really, Luis, Oleg is straight. Wait till you see what happens when I place an order for a bone-in rib eye.

  Max Black : It's true. He shows us his penis every...

  Luis : Ah-ah-ah, boundaries, girls, boundaries. So is it a nice one?

  Max Black : Well, it did open a door for me once.

• Max Black : [First lines] 

  [She and Caroline come up to a table with a couple] 

  Max Black : Hi, how can I help you? And by that I mean, "What's the least I can do to help you."

  Guy : I'll have the burger with the fries. She'll have it with the salad.

  Girl : But I want the fries.

  Guy : Ah, you want them, but you don't need them.

  Girl : [Coldly]  Fine. The salad. I have to pee.

  [Gets up and heads to the restroom] 

  Caroline Channing : [after she's out of sight]  Hi, what's your name?

  Guy : David.

  Caroline Channing : [Still cheerfully]  David, you should go.

  Guy : I'm sorry?

  Caroline Channing : You want her to have salad, she wants you to have hair. Neither one's gonna happen tonight.

  Max Black : Yeah, it's not gonna work out between you and French fries. Oh, maybe it will for a week or a year. Depends if she was molested as a kid. But one of these days, she's coming after you. Probably in the dark, probably with a knife. And she's gonna cut off one or both of your balls. And you won't think a side of fries matters when you have zero balls.

  Guy : [Nervously after hearing this]  She'll have the fries.

  Max Black : Yes, she will.

  Caroline Channing : [after walking away from table]  Look at us. We saved another woman's dignity and another man's balls.

  Max Black : Yeah, we're like Dr. Phil but more qualified.

• Caroline Channing : I think I can handle it. I went to Wharton.

  Devon : Well, I went to Harvard.

  Max Black : And I went to juvie. And we're all here wearing an apron.