- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You left your dirt in the commode. Why don't you flush it?
- Madison Montgomery: [laughs] You flush my shit, bitch.
- Myrtle Snow: Oh, Madison, You are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché: a bobble head with crotchless panties!
- Madison Montgomery: And you're a dried-up old Hot Pocket, but I don't judge.
- Myrtle Snow: You can't speak to me that way - I am your elder.
- Madison Montgomery: Welcome to the Revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I'm gonna drive this coven out of the Dark Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.
- [to Kyle]
- Madison Montgomery: And as for you, Ken doll... well, putting you together was fun... but taking you apart's gonna be even more fun.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Is she dead?
- Spalding: [shaking his head] She cannot die.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: What?
- Spalding: She's immortal.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: But you said...
- Spalding: I just wanted her out of my hair. You were most likely to cooperate.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Well, turds on that. What am I supposed to do with her now?
- Spalding: I don't know. Bury her.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: She'd just dig her way out!
- Spalding: Make sure she can't.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Butler. I've done what you asked.
- Spalding: You got it?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Paid a king's ransom for it, too.
- Spalding: Oh. Whoa. An authentic 1895 Armand Marseille Dream Baby. You're sure this is the original gown?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: There's a certificate of authenticity in there somewhere.
- Spalding: This was a very limited run, you know. Dieter Hoffbonner designed the gowns himself.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Grown man, taking pleasure in a doll baby. It's unsavory. All right, I did my part. Now before somebody notices that half the silver's gone missing, you give me what you promised me.
- Spalding: Yes. The potion that will render the voodoo queen mortal and allow you to end her life.
- [pulls out a basket containing a box of Benadryl]
- Spalding: A few capsules dissolved in her drink.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Ben...
- Spalding: Shhh! No. Never speak it aloud.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: It's that powerful?
- Spalding: You have no idea.
- David: No security? Don't you want to check us for weapons?
- Fiona Goode: Ha! Cher, I took down your entire company with about as much effort as it takes for me to mix myself a Rob Roy. And Marie... Marie is immortal, for Christ's sake. You think we're worried about guns? Which reminds me... I need a drink. Waiter. Martini, please. Filthy.
- [whispers]
- Fiona Goode: Do you want something?
- Marie Laveau: Sprite.
- Fiona Goode: And a Sprite.
- Marie Laveau: Uh, *Diet* Sprite.
- Myrtle Snow: Come in Zoe, sit down. I have something for you. Good God, chickie, don't look at it! You'll be blinded by the sheer craftsmanship.
- Zoe Benson: Um... okay. What is it?
- Myrtle Snow: My only possession of value. A sapphire and topaz harvester ant made for me by Joel Arthur Rosenthal, the Fabergé of our time. The harvester ant is one of *the* most venomous creatures in the world, along with Fiona, and JAR - as the world knows my dear Joel - toiled on it for months.
- Zoe Benson: Do you want me to wear it?
- Myrtle Snow: You could never pull it off, darling. Only Lee Radziwill and myself could do it justice. Now listen to me carefully: I want you to hock it in case of emergency.
- Zoe Benson: I'm completely lost here.
- Myrtle Snow: You're leaving this coven, Zoe. And you're taking Kyle with you.
- Zoe Benson: I do love Kyle, Myrtle... But I'm not leaving.
- Myrtle Snow: I watched you and Kyle together at Nan's funeral. Such a pair. So much in love. As the great Keats would say, "More happy love! More happy, happy love! Forever warm and still to be enjoyed. Forever panting and forever young." I had a love like that once. Egon von Furstenberg. He dumped me, but everything worked out all right in the end. You know why? because he went on to marry the divine Diane. And without Egon's support, Diane von Furstenberg never would have created the greatest invention of the century, the wrap dress! If you stay here, your life is in grave danger.
- Zoe Benson: I can handle Madison.
- Myrtle Snow: She'd slit your throat then sleep like a baby. I understand Madison. The depth of her cynicism. Go. You and Kyle. Run away together and start your life over.
- Zoe Benson: I'm committed to this coven.
- Myrtle Snow: So was I, and I burned at the stake for it.
- Zoe Benson: What if I'm the next Supreme?
- Myrtle Snow: All the more reason to run. If Madison doesn't end you, Fiona will. Zoe... you have a boy that loves you.
- Zoe Benson: Because he's damaged goods.
- Myrtle Snow: [slaps] How dare you be so unromantic and so very, very selfish. Our dear Cordelia plucked her eyes out to protect this coven, and you have the gall to ignore my words of warning and support? Now... take these tickets to Epcot and my JAR jewels and pack your bags.
- Fiona Goode: This is my offer to you. You disband this little merry troupe of assholes, vowing never to harm another witch from now until the end of time. I would also like you to sign over your house in Berkeley Square to me. But paint it first. God knows all the money in the world can't buy good taste.
- Marie Laveau: Well, now, I'd like the private jet.
- Fiona Goode: And Marie... wants a private jet.
- Fiona Goode: Too much? Well, I don't know. Maybe you're right. Then here's my other offer: You can all just die.
- Harrison Renard: You know... killing us, it's not gonna put an end to this war.
- Marie Laveau: Maybe, baby. But it's gonna be so much fun just to watch it happen.
- Marie Laveau: Damn, Delphine. You know, girl, you may be rotten to the core, but you do make a sweet French 75.
- [laughs]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Thank you, ma'am.
- Marie Laveau: Leave it! And get out. Only thing that could ruin this moment is to have to look at your fugly face.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I'll leave when I'm finished.
- Marie Laveau: [laughs] Oh, You will obey me, servant.
- [slaps Delphine's ass]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I told you. I'm not finished. But you are.
- [stabs Marie in the chest]
- Marie Laveau: [screams, grunts] Stupid cow!
- [slowly pulls knife out]
- Marie Laveau: Thinking you could... kill me!
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Yeah, the m-magic takes time to work. Your fate is sealed!
- Marie Laveau: Oh, you stupid rube! That ain't magic. It's a antihistamine! And the only thing I'm allergic to is you! Damn you!
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Boy, don't set those down. They go upstairs. *Not* the yellow one. Brown. Brown like your skin.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I fear my restless mind will become feeble.
- Borquita LaLaurie: You have us, your daughters.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You have just made my point abundantly clear. I need inspiration.
- Borquita LaLaurie: I'm sure you'll find your métier, Mother. I hear crochet is popular in New Orleans.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You can talk. I thought you were tongueless.
- Spalding: I was when I was alive.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Are you saying you're dead?
- Spalding: Murdered. Right here in this room.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: That's true, isn't it? I spent enough time in the grave to know a spirit when I encounter one.
- Fiona Goode: She's taken out both eyes?
- Myrtle Snow: The blue eye, the brown eye. Some of my best work, between us pigeons, all gone.
- Fiona Goode: Why?
- Myrtle Snow: Because your daughter has become something you will never understand, Fiona. She's a hero. Your girl has ripped her own eyes straight out of her skull for one reason only: to protect the coven.
- Fiona Goode: From what? Huh? I'll take care of the Witch Hunters. And when I do... This coven will have no more enemies.
- Myrtle Snow: No enemies on the outside perhaps, but danger lurks within these blanched walls. Everyone knows it. She sacrificed her eyes to regain the second sight. And woe to those among us who harbor bad thoughts.
- Fiona Goode: I have no secrets.
- Myrtle Snow: Then, by all means, go to her. Comfort her. Put motherly hands upon your wounded daughter's flesh and watch your filthy secrets be brought to light, laid bare. "No secrets." Shame on you, Fiona. I deserve better lies than that. You are an enemy to this coven and will be so long as you live. But Cordelia has your number, Slim.
- Fiona Goode: Go to hell, Myrtle Snow.
- Myrtle Snow: For what? Allowing you to see your daughter?
- Fiona Goode: I'll be back. I just need a drink. Steady my nerves.
- Myrtle Snow: See you soon.
- Madison Montgomery: Oh, what have we here, a romantic bubble bath?
- Zoe Benson: I was trying to figure out what happened to Nan.
- Madison Montgomery: Ugh.
- Zoe Benson: Don't you care at all?
- Madison Montgomery: Have you met me?
- Zoe Benson: Misty was right. We should have let you rot.
- Myrtle Snow: Ah, figs, Mother Nature's brown diamonds. In the fall, the rotting leaves smell like an Olympian's ejaculate. Figgy pudding cures the blues and banishes acne. I'm mad for it.
- Madison Montgomery: What's the deal, Zoe? We were supposed to share him, then you had to go fall in love with him.
- Zoe Benson: No, I didn't.
- Madison Montgomery: So it wouldn't bother you if I got on my knee pads and blew him, right here, right now?
- Zoe Benson: If he wants it, be my guest.
- Madison Montgomery: Thanks. You're a peach.
- Kyle Spencer: No! Not anymore. I love Zoe.
- Madison Montgomery: You think you can just throw me away for some junior varsity mall rat?
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: History will tell you - Not that anyone today gives a royal you-know-what - that I was born to prominent members of New Orleans society. Although my mother's maiden name was Lovable... she did not pass that quality along to me, her daughter. I suppose I was an unhappy child. Not very nice, either. I kept to myself, communing with rodents and small animals. Cutting parts off to see how they'd fare, or if they'd die. No one thought I'd amount to much, but I surprised them all. I married well. My lavish soirées became a coveted invitation. How the mighty have fallen does not begin to describe my torment. When I'm not cleaning their filthy commodes or putting food in front of their greedy faces, washing their sex-stained sheets, cleaning up their general filth, I pass desperately long and lonely days and nights, fretting over the deterioration of my troubled mistress' body and soul. Watching her leave the house each evening without her undergarment, not to return 'til the wee hours. And then I realized what was missing in my life. Lately I've been asking myself just what is it that fed my soul back then. Because being a hostess was never enough for my restless mind, and I realized it was my childlike curiosity about how my niggers ticked. Much like when I was a child and I used to carve up a possum or a stray cat. I just... developed a scientific fascination for their... their body parts... and their organs... and their cries of agony. They made a strange... almost comforting sound. Almost like... a musical background. And their thick African blood just... satisfied a desire that was deep inside me. And then you appeared. Like an old friend from the past.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: I'll get to the fingers later. But let's start with your toes. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy right here had roast beef. And this little piggy had none. And this little piggy cried whee...! Oh, yeah!
- Harrison Renard: Well played.
- Fiona Goode: [chuckles] You Harvard men, charming to the end.
- Harrison Renard: Yale... actually.
- Myrtle Snow: Cumin. Coconut. Cardamom. Mulligatawny soup! I've been transported to Rajasthan! Bravo, Delphine! Magnifique!
- Madison Montgomery: It goes perfectly with the wine. Mmm.
- Fiona Goode: Our coven mourns. After facing so many trials, defending ourselves against onslaught. Forging enemies into friends. The witches of Miss Robichaux's Academy have fought for their lives, and won. And so, it is with great sadness we must say goodbye to Nan... who fell in the tub.
- Marie Laveau: Amen!
- Spalding: The black devil who is responsible for your unending torment is sheltered right under this very roof, treated like an honored guest.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Don't I know it. They got me waiting on her hand and foot.
- Spalding: It's wrong!
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: It's more than wrong. It's a violation of the natural order.
- Spalding: I care about this coven. About preserving the ancient line of Salem. Everything is at risk because Fiona has become confused, reckless. She's forgotten that Marie Laveau has been and always will be her sworn enemy. Marie Laveau must die.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: She can't die. The bitch is immortal.
- Spalding: By magic. And by magic, she can be undone.