- Mitchell Pritchett: So if I die, you'll wait a few weeks to replace me?
- Cameron Tucker: No, of course not. Where am I going to find another gay Mitchell with your exact markings?
- Haley Dunphy: Can I join in?
- Luke Dunphy: We kinda have a no-girls policy.
- Haley Dunphy: Is that a policy or just something that keeps happening?
- Luke Dunphy: The second one.
- Phil Dunphy: I've been on a bit of a tear lately. Seems I've struck a rich vein in realty: lonely divorced women. Looks like I struck the single mother lode.
- Claire Dunphy: I'm stretched a little thin, so I need to to do the groceries, pick up the laundry and clean out the branches on the front yard.
- Phil Dunphy: Done and done.
- Claire Dunphy: Is that just an expression, or did you only remember two of the things I told you?
- Phil Dunphy: The second one.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: There is the mark of the devil in our family. My great-great grandfather found an emerald mine, and sold his soul for it.
- Jay Pritchett: Is there any paperwork to prove this?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: On my great grandmother's wedding day, a large bird picked him put and carried him off.
- Jay Pritchett: Did you realize that a remarkable number of your stories end with a family member being carried off by a giant bird?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I only say what I am told.
- Jay Pritchett: I'm just saying, by the third time we might think about moving the party inside.
- Manny Delgado: A lot of cold lonely nights in that apartment when mom was driving that taxi, and only one thing kept me company. So you got a problem with Poppins, you got a problem with me.
- Jay Pritchett: So what if Joe's a little rambunctious? Kids should just be themselves.
- Manny Delgado: [Wearing a Tyrolean hat] I'm ready.
- Jay Pritchett: Not with that hat.
- Manny Delgado: Guess I'm watching The Sound of Music with a regular hat.