Major Crimes (TV Series)

There's No Place Like Home (2013)

Tim Conway: Howard Gray

Quotes 

• Judge Craig Richwood : Mr. Gray, what do you and your clients have to say?

  Larry Murdock : Oh. Larry Murdoch. Excuse me, your honor. I'm a retired teamster, and I, uh, I cut the brake lines on the bastard's car. Just a little backup plan. No harm done.

  Pauline Allen : I'm Pauline Allen, and I would like to confess that I greased the very top step on which Ed untimely slipped. And I helped with the brownies.

  Clayton Carter : Me, too. Clayton Carter. I shopped for the almond milk and the peanut oil. And putting the Frangelica in the icing was entirely my idea. A flourish.

  Vera Walker : Vera Walker. I made the brownies, and I put them out by the nachos for our weekly taco night. And no one else was hurt by them at all. And I have two more batches in the freezer; so, if you'd like to try one yourself... No? Okay.

  Howard Gray : I'm Howard Gray, and, uh...

  Howard Gray : [clears throat]  Ed helped himself to our buffet without asking and walked off with two brownies. We waited while he went upstairs to eat, and then after he choked to death on his own rudeness and his cries for help kind of petered out, uh, I propped him up in one of those kitchen chairs and turned on the gas and called 911. And we're very sorry, your honor, and we promise never to let someone kill themselves again.

  Judge Craig Richwood : I see. Well, uh, taking into account the 378 collective years the five of you have spent on the planet with no priors, and the fact that not a single one of you can actually be charged with murder, I accept the plea of manslaughter and agree in principle to two years of house arrest for each of the five defendants, followed by nine years of probation.

• Howard Gray : Well, I'm guessing you want to get into Ed's apartment.

  Lt. Louie Provenza : Yes. Yes, we do. Um, is the manager of Lost Horizon around?

  Clayton Carter : We call it Shangri-La.

  Larry Murdock : Mm-hm.

  Clayton Carter : "La Shangri-La" if we're feeling festive.

• Howard Gray : They all looked like you. My ex-wives, not the bags.