- Deadpool: Wait, let me guess. You're Aaron Applebaum. Aaron Astin. Aaron Atwater!
- Spider-Man: Are you just going to keep yelling names from A to Z until you guess?
- Deadpool: No. Barry Barrington!
- Spider-Man: You're not well.
- Deadpool: I know.
- Deadpool: Well, moving on. I'm on a mission to finding the secret HQ of Taskmaster. The big boss for these cheese clowns. And nothin', but nothin', better get in my way.
- Mini-Deadpool: What, like the dozen swords in your back?
- Deadpool: [laughs] I don't have swords in my...
- Mini-Deadpool: Yuck. Gonna go hurl now.
- Deadpool: Huh, that's gonna leave a mark. Oh, wait. No it isn't. I have a healing factor. Yay me! 'Scuse me while I pull these pot stickers out of my spleen and knock some heads. Deadpool, out.
- Deadpool: Oh, shiny. What is that?
- Spider-Man: You see my spidey-sense? It's this thing in my brain that warns me of danger.
- Deadpool: I'll give you a thousand bucks for your brain.
- Deadpool: Dang skippy. Where are my manners? Introductions. Call me Deadpool. It rhymes with "no school," "too cool,"ain't no fool," and "I'm the best at what I do - ool."
- Spider-Man: I'm starting to re-think this little field trip. Just tell me what your plan is.
- Deadpool: We go into that compound, find Agent MacGuffin, snag the list, then un-alive Taskmaster and his acolytes, capiche?
- Spider-Man: Wait, un-alive them?
- Deadpool: Yeah, yeah here's the thing, I can't really say the k-word out loud. It's a weird mental tick. But we're gonna destroy them, make them disappear, sleep them with the fishes. We'll k-word them.
- Spider-Man: K-word? You mean you want to kill them?
- Deadpool: Whoa, yeah, that does sound bad when you say it out loud. And yes, we're going to un-alive them.
- Spider-Man: We can't un-alive them. We can't un-alive anyone. Deadpool!
- Deadpool: Have I told you my origin story?
- Spider-Man: Like a billion times, now. How about telling me the truth?
- Deadpool: You can't handle the truth.
- Spider-Man: Really?
- Taskmaster: Spider-Man. Nice of you to finally visit my school. Unfortunately I'm no longer accepting applicants.
- Spider-Man: We've come for the list of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Taskmaster. And for Agent MacGuffin.
- Taskmaster: We who?
- Spider-Man: Me and Dead... Deadpool!
- Taskmaster: Deadpool is here? What?
- Deadpool: Boogity-boo! Did you miss me?
- Taskmaster: You. You're out of your mind to come here. I will destroy you.
- Taskmaster: Oh, Spider-Man. If you'd studied with me instead of Fury you might not be so naive. Who do think I stole the identity list from in the fist place?
- Spider-Man: Agent MacGuffin?
- Deadpool: Heh. Confession time. Yeah, it was me.
- Spider-Man: You?
- Deadpool: And there is no Agent MacGuffin. And also I stole the list from S.H.I.E.L.D., but Taskmaster swiped it from me when I left my pouches in the potty.
- Spider-Man: What?
- Deadpool: Dude, couldn't help it. I had Indian food. My legs went numb I was in there so long.
- Deadpool: They should call you "elevator operator" 'cause you're bringing me down. Or "tonsils" 'cause you're a pain in the neck. Ba-boosh!
- Spider-Man: Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head."
- Deadpool: Ah, what a swellegant idea. But it'll look a lot funnier in my imagination.
- Spider-Man: What?
- Deadpool: Spider-Man, go soak your head.
- Deadpool: Ah, you're comedy gold my friend. Or as comedy oatmeal. As for me, you already know, I'm Deadpool. Superhero supreme with a side of bam. Nice to see you kept my color scheme when you copied my suit. Am I, like, your idol?
- Spider-Man: I never heard of you. I designed this costume myself.
- Deadpool: Sure. Black and white eyes. Red suit. Though you made it your own with the crossword theme. Oh, wait. Webs! Those are webs. No pouches though. You need pouches.
- Deadpool: Word is that Fury left his S.H.I.E.L.D. tablet in a hotel bathroom. So you can see why he'd want to be discreet. Now, see I agreed to help even though Fury and me don't always see eye to eye. Now, do you get that? Eye to eye? Eye to eye! Hm, get it?
- Spider-Man: Yeah, I do eye jokes too.
- Spider-Man: You've got to be kidding me. You have your own private jet?
- Deadpool: Yep. It was a present from one Tony Stark.
- Spider-Man: He never gave me a jet. Seriously, from one super dude to another, what's your secret?
- Deadpool: Origin story time!
- Deadpool: No, piranhas! They're so bitey. Oh that's so much funnier when it happens to someone else.
- Spider-Man: Booby traps.
- Deadpool: You said, "traps."
- Deadpool: Ugh, anybody smell barbecue bug?
- Spider-Man: It's been kind of a rough day.
- Deadpool: Extremely ripe! Yeesh. Here. Strong enough for man, but made for a spider.