First Comes Love (2013) User Reviews

Good film maker- Questionable subject matters

[AmericanMovieFan · 6/10 · 30 July 2013]

Nina Davenport is a very talented, very engaging documentary film maker. Yet, she focuses on the mundane issues of her own existence. Despite having the camera trained on anything but herself, she manipulates every situation (at least those edited into the film to create a narrative) to be about her.

The problem with this angle is that she is unable to create a universal connection or a common thread that will resonate with a diverse audience. It feels like the only people she's concerned with are those like her- people who can't find a soul mate. It's unfortunate. I've dated this type of woman. Same age, similar hang ups. I feel for her and people like her, I really do. However, there's a better documentary to be made examining the nature of those who are perpetually single and those who choose to have a child without a partner, or out of wedlock in friendship rather than love.

She clearly isn't getting rich off these documentaries and has to supplement her income in other ways. This is a common thread from her previous film, Always A Bridesmaid, about being a perpetually single wedding videographer. This film is a solid continuation of Bridesmaid, made 13 years prior. She hasn't seemed to have changed much, apart from the typical alterations due to aging. I wonder what her next "big" documentary will be about- menopause? Retiring? Could she retire? What would retirement look like for her?

"These tubes, the Fallopian tubes, I call the Holland Tunnel, and this, the uterus, I call Manhattan City." — Dr. Zhang, IVF specialist

[The_late_Buddy_Ryan · 7/10 · 6 November 2015]

Hadn't checked the docs lineup on Netflix for a while (after getting burned by "Jiro Dreams of Sushi"!), but my wife thought this one sounded interesting. It is, and a lot more involving than some of the fiction films we've seen lately. Nina Davenport doesn't have the wit or the storytelling chops of a filmmaker like Ross McElwee, the pioneer of the video diary with voice-over format, but there's so much going on in her life as a single woman, "age 41½," who very much wants to have a baby that the material doesn't need much shaping, and she certainly seems to be putting it all out there. (One subject she's disappointingly reticent on is where the money for all this is coming from….)

Judging by pro reviews and other comments, she does come across to some as needy and self-absorbed—someone who's willing to display her dilated cervix (spoiler alert??) on HBO might very well have some issues—but we were impressed by her honesty and bravery. Her stalwart "pregnancy partner" Amy and the friends and helpers she interviews about their experiences are especially thoughtful and articulate; only one (a guy, I'm sorry to say) seems to be playing to the camera. Her filmed conversations with her parents are pretty revealing as well—her late mother charming and empathetic, her father an affable dinosaur who just doesn't get why his videographer daughter didn't end up as a lawyer or a banker like her two brothers.

A Compelling, Intimate Doc

[josephbrundige-898-371115 · 8/10 · 15 January 2014]

I've never written an IMDb review, but I was moved to do so because the only two reviews on here so far are by people who didn't see the same film as me. Nina Davenport does groundbreaking work in "First Comes Love," taking us on a deeply personal journey as she decides to make the controversial, modern decision of having an IVF baby without a husband. The film feels so intimate because it is almost entirely shot by the director and subject of the movie, Nina. Nina carries us all over New York City, where she lives, and Detroit, where she grew up, and when she wants to be on screen she just hands the camera over to whomever she's with or places it where ever she can to get a shot (including just shooting into the mirror). This technique seems to fit the subject matter and gives the film the feeling of a narrated home movie. Nina hold the camera and lets us observe her life with her. There are several compelling characters in the movie including her loving mother, less than loving father and many close friends and relatives. She takes an expectation free, observer approach to her interactions with these characters as they give their opinions, feelings, advice, and support to her decision. There are times when people say things to her that would make most feel they have just been kicked in the face, but Nina just lets it roll off her back as she asks a follow up question. Her relationship skills allows the viewer to make up their own mind about the characters in the film and provides another device for drawing us in to the story. After making the decision to have the baby, I found myself captivated by all the decisions she has to make and all the hurdles she must overcome. Nina has a beautiful baby who she lovingly captures in the movie and once he comes it is a journey in itself to watch how he reacts to his unconventional first couple years of life.

I say Bravo Nina Davenport! You did it your way and this film is the thought provoking, compelling, artistic result.

An awful, self-indulgent cliché

[Jonas2021 · 1/10 · 9 August 2013]

There is almost nothing redeemable about this documentary. It's about a 41-yr old woman who wants a baby out-of-wedlock, her struggles, her attitudes, her family, her path. I don't mean to demean the personal experience of Nina Davenport, but why the @*&! does she think that anyone would be interested in her? In a word, it adds nothing to the viewer's understanding of the issues. What issues? Love and commitment eluded Nina, so she sought a sperm donor, got pregnant, and along the way, we hear every thought, concern, idea, and notion that enters (and exits) her mind. Ideas like "family is difficult". Ideas like "I love my mother and my father is insensitive." Ideas like "labor is painful". Ideas like "I love my child". Ideas like "dating is difficult". I'm mesmerized. How HBO could have funded this two-hour exercise in time-wasting is beyond me. Why not have a documentary about me at the Farmers' Market or going to the dentist, while I'm worried about getting a cavity filled. Again, I appreciate that having a child is a bigger issue, but Ms. Davenport tackles this subject in the most clichéd manner one could imagine.

Save yourself two hours. Skip the crap out of this.

An important story to tell

[christine-705-717153 · 13 March 2014]

If the love to which Nina Davenport refers in First Comes Love is the narcissistic love of oneself, then she has picked the perfect title for her documentary, which follows her over the two years following her decision to be a single mom Don't get me wrong. Nina packs a mean camera. Since she does her filming herself, I have to give her kudos for her control of the camera as she films family conversations, the public humiliation of her father, and her own manipulation of her friends and family into doing the work while she sits back and experiences the day. Not everyone can pull it off. She does. The problem is that she pulls it off at the expense of so many around her.

There is a need for these documentaries. Many women who are not in love relationships are desperate to have children, and time is not on their side, so the odds are never in their favor. Their experiences charting that difficult course are worth noticing. But I have to agree with Nina's dad. It's not fair for her to bring a child into the world. She is not self-sufficient, so how can she possibly take on the added burden (and joy) of a child. He was right. Six months after her fabulous son was born, she was at her father's house asking why, oh why, wouldn't he support her? Her, a Harvard grad who just wants to be a filmmaker and take years, years, and more years to make films that will not pay her bills. It's that sense of entitlement that comes from having grown up entitled.

Her journey is one worth recording. Her version of her journey is so reminiscent a woman looking into a pond and admiring her own image that it's hard to stomach. She should try watching her own documentary as if she were any of the other people in it – from their perspective and she might see, just for a moment or two, why those around her don't find her all that easy to be around. That said, I wish her and her son all the best. And, a piece of advise from the mother of a twenty-seven year old. Give him a bedtime. We all need one.

I really liked this documentary

[contact-11192 · 10/10 · 5 October 2017]

I liked the fact that Nina manages to picture very well the concerns of a woman in her 41s being realistic enough to realize that if she really wants to experience the role of a natural mother, then she has to take a decision and it has to be a fast one. I read a comment above debating on why a woman in her 40s is still single. From my point of view the comment proves judgment and criticism building on the hypothesis that is has to be the woman fault for still being single. I choose to stay away from these perspectives because I feel it's the right of every person to take her/his romantic decision, no matter the age. I scored the Documentary with a high score because I felt I was watching a grounded and realistic movie. Yes it might happen to be single in your 40s and still want to be a mother, as it can happen to feel more close to your mother than you felt towards the Dad. This doesn't mean that the relationships cannot change or evolve. And I am stating this because I am sure that how Nina decided to share her perspectives and feelings towards her father, changed something inside him, opened him up and allowed him to see life from different angles. Great Job Nina! I really liked your openness and creativity!

Egotism at its worst

[reentjek · 2/10 · 15 November 2015]

Rather than reviewing this "amateurish home movie" of a desperate non housewife, I would like to suggest that if you are past 40 and still not married and childless, and want a child so badly, for krissakes: adopt.

There are so many children who are abandoned: give them a chance rather than complain after choosing to give birth as a single mother, that it was the worst pain you ever experienced. Really, with all your research you were not expecting that?

(By the way, here's a piece of advice: if you are having your first child: as soon as the contractions start: walk!! Walk in the neighborhood, or around your dining room table, or at the hospital, at a steady clip. I felt the first contractions at 2PM: I walked around the house for the next 3.5 hours: arrived at the hospital at 6PM and delivered my first child without all that suffering and screaming at 9:30PM).

To "create" a baby with a guy who basically does not even want to be a parent at all, and who made this clear from the start, sounds like a lack of ethics on the part of the rather pushy "wannabe mother". And when the kid is about two, she lies in bed with him and accuses him of being "difficult". Why am I not surprised?

Children need two parents, and sometimes that does not happen because of a variety of problems. But the egotism which purposely creates a one parent family, is, in my view, sick and sickening.

Avoid this pathetic "oy my uterus is shutting down" piece of dreck. It is NOT a feminist manifesto; it is a major piece of egotistical whining.

A game changer

[loveks-86247 · 10/10 · 27 March 2016]

I watched this documentary after I realized that my sister had watched it. I created an account with IMDb today just so that I can add my review. I am a female who turned 30 this year and cannot say that I have felt I wanted to have a kid and I still do not. I have a common law partner of 3 years who understands I and my choices to not have a kid or marry. Having sad that, I have utmost respect for mothers as I can't imagine the level of vulnerability and strength that they feel for other humans. My personal thought on this film is that I wish there were more films as this one that focus its angle on a female - her raw feelings, thoughts, perspectives, values, strengths, struggles, fears, selfishness, ego, and most importantly her needs. Let's face it; we are not used to watching a film about a female's experience shaped by her own choices and pure needs. And this is why I value this documentary film and it is a game changer for some. Thank you for making this film!

narcissistic, self-indulgent, whining narrative about first world problems of a privileged white woman

[charlesjcha · 1/10 · 13 October 2017]

This "film" should've been called "First comes Love (for THE Me!)" as it is wrought with nothing but whining, self-indulgent, autobiographical footage, which at no time amounts to anything either compelling, interesting, or stimulating. At one point it seems like she wanted for this to be a token of what some bourgeois, privileged, middle-aged white women "have to" go through in our postmodern, angst-ridden age, but instead she just doubles down on meaningless & uninspired autobiographical trivialities. Another sign of how indulgent & narcissistic she is, the runtime of nearly 2 hours is decidedly excruciating to hear her whine about her First World problems, and how disappointing her pampered, kept life is.

As an experiment in masochism, I watched it to the end, to see how consistently she remains committed to failing in this tortuous project, and she succeeds wonderfully in creating an endlessly long stream of pointless self-absorbed narratives about "this is my life."

It doesn't even rise to the dreck of YouTube nonsense, as those peoples' channels have actual fans interested in the banalities of their personal lives. Nina Davenport doesn't even amount to that. Why she and HBO thought this could be of any interest to anyone is a mystery I wanted to unravel by disciplining myself to watch it all the way through. Even when she interacts with Jasper at the end, it's STILL all about her and how much of an inconvenience her new living hobby is for her listless lifestyle. Boo hoo. There are zero sympathetic characters of interest, and zero footage worth watching. At no time does this even get accidentally interesting. Hearing her tone of voice as she whines to people she points her camera at (like it's a shotgun), really brings alive how narcissistic the content is.

What was the pitch like, "I'm going to whine to people about my insecurities and First World problems and whine to Daddy benefactor at how emotionally detached he was."

This is a truly sad relic of the collapse of Western Civilization. That projects like this get green lit, when we've collapsed the ecosystem of the floating rock we all share is beyond crass, it's mind numbing.