Easter Bloody Easter (2024)

Kelly Grant: Carol

Quotes 

• Jeanie Cooper : Now, you're either with me, or you ain't!

  Carol : Shit, Jeanie! You know, fuck it! We've already shared everything else in life. We might as well share a prison cell too.

  Jeanie Cooper : That's my girl. Now take me to church.

  Carol : Seriously?

  Jeanie Cooper : Shut up.

• Carol : We gotta go to the sheriff. We gotta tell him.

  Jeanie Cooper : Tell him what, Carol? That my husband's been abducted by a giant furry rabbit? And I just... just shiskebabed one of its demon minions?

  Carol : Fair point!

• Jeanie Cooper : Agnes Turner. Listen to this: "Dearest Lord, my poor sweet children are riddled with the pox. Each day short and precious. Easter is but a week away and I'd do anything to make it special for them. I confess... I've bartered my soul to Satan."

  Carol : Shit, that's a good mom right there.

• Carol : Uh, musty and crusty.

• Carol : Well, thank you, Mr. Mayor, for solidifying my repulsion for local government.

• Carol : Speak of the devil-lope.

• Jeanie Cooper : Where's my husband, rabbit?

  Megan : I ain't no rabbit!

  Carol : Prove it, bunny bitch!

  Megan : We hunt the same game. Now put those scissors down, Jeanie, before I alter your ass like a loose patching gown.

  Jeanie Cooper : Megan Jennings?

  Megan : In the flesh.

  Jeanie Cooper : I thought you moved to Wyoming.

  Carol : I also heard you're vegan now. And you know what else is vegan? Rabbits!

  Megan : I came back to kill that motherfucker. But if y'all wanna stand in my way, go right ahead. I ain't got no problem starting with the both of you.

  Carol : Oh, Miss Teen Walburg over here talking shit.

• Megan : Come with me if you cottontails wanna live.

  Carol : Uh-huh. Whatever you say.

  Jeanie Cooper : Yeah, okay.

• Carol : You sure have a lot of weaponry for a pageant queen.

  Megan : I'm not that girl anymore. I'm the warrior who's gonna help save this piece of shit town.

• Carol : Hey! Stop it! Or I'm gonna shove these baskets so far up your rectums you would shit liquid for a month.

• Carol : Where are the kids?

  Jim : They're in the car. Don't worry. They have their iPads.

  Carol : Okay. Are you okay?

  Jim : Yeah, I'm kind of sweating.

  Carol : Okay.

  Jim : Okay. I killed that fucking bunny. Yeah, you could see me. I... I was looking real manly.

  Carol : Oh, later. Jim, later.

  Jim : Okay.

• Carol : Poor horny, dead kids. Oooh, cotton candy!

• Carol : Oh, Mr. Mayor. Just the scumbag we were hoping to see.

  Mayor Lou : Ladies, to what do I owe this pleasure?

  Jeanie Cooper : Hi, Lou.

  Carol : Oh, Lou, is it?

  Jeanie Cooper : We're here as concerned citizens.

  Mayor Lou : Oh, I see.

  Jeanie Cooper : I... We think you should seriously consider postponing the Easterpalooza this year.

  Mayor Lou : That's a good one. Thank you for that. I needed it. Now come on. Join me for a drink. Hmmm?

  Jeanie Cooper : I'm serious, Lou. People are dying, there's no time for a party.

  Mayor Lou : Ladies, ladies, I hear what you are saying, but people die every day. I mean, Walburg Easter only happens once a year.