- Larry Bird: We usually go in order of prettiness but I'm going to let Jackie go first this time because, as the old saying goes, 'When the wife remains happy, the knife can stay in the drawer.'
- Debbie Weaver: Where are you finding these sayings?
- Debbie Weaver: Heaven forbid someone should touch you. When you were a baby you used to let me touch you all day long.
- Amber Weaver: What other options did I have? I was a baby!
- Jane: I'm Jane. I'm here to claim Reggie Jackson for all of time. And you are?
- Amber Weaver: Going to gouge out your dimples with my thumbs.
- Debbie Weaver: You go for the face, I'll take her out at the knees.
- Debbie Weaver: How'd she even get here, huh? I mean, I assume a spaceship, but that's like the ninth person to visit this year! Is anyone else noticing? How many spaceships have to land in New Jersey before NASA notices?
- Amber Weaver: Just to be clear, I object to everything that's happening here, but I'm curious as to what sort of weirdness is going down so I'm rolling with it.
- Marty Weaver: Every house is supposed to have the same floor plan. We don't have an underground tunnel.
- Reggie Jackson: It's not next to your nuclear missile silo?
- Jane: I would like to introduce myself to your family but I don't yet have a name for my human form. Would you like to name me?
- Reggie Jackson: Um...
- Jane: Please name me.
- Marty Weaver: Wow, way more intimate a thing to say than you would think.
- Amber Weaver: Reggie and I were best friends for a year and now we're dating, but we don't even hold hands because I don't really think he knows how.
- Reggie Jackson: It just seems like a weird thing to hold!
- Amber Weaver: And also, he keeps talking about me putting a little Mickey Mantle in his belly, which totally freaks me out, and he has a soul mate who isn't me, and that freaks me out even more.
- Amber Weaver: My mom is like 100 years old and totally useless. She's like dial-up Internet. I mean, it takes four hours for her to get to the point and even then it sounds like "Krrrrrrrrrrrrrk."
- Larry Bird: You know the old saying - "Happy wife, happy life..."
- Debbie Weaver: That's right.
- Larry Bird: ...No need to use a knife.
- Debbie Weaver: That's wrong.
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: You could get a job.
- Larry Bird: What's wrong with you? Are you an idiot? I married an idiot.