- Regular Sized Rudy: Coach, can someone with asthma play baseball?
- The Deuce: Rudy, I'm going to tell you a story. A famous baseball player who's name I can't remember right now, had Lou Gehrig's disease, and he didn't let it slow him down.
- Louise Belcher: [to Tina] How many espressos have you had?
- Tina Belcher: Just one. I'm being really interesting right now, I can tell. Usually my personality is a little flat. Did you ever pick up on that?
- Louise Belcher: That you have a personality? No.
- Bob Belcher: [to Linda] You don't even know if this Deuce is legit.
- Linda Belcher: He has a website.
- Louise Belcher: Yeah, they don't just give those out.
- Mr. Manoogian: [to the Deuce] Pay me now or I'm keeping your DVD player.
- The Deuce: It's not a DVD player, it's a Blu-ray player that also plays DVDs!
- Mr. Manoogian: Well, then that makes it a DVD player!
- Louise Belcher: [to Linda] You could sell your soul. I did and look at me. I'm fine.
- [smiles creepily]
- Tina Belcher: [to Jimmy Jr] Oh, my God, I never noticed how annoying you are. I can't even understand what you're saying.
- Jimmy Jr.: Oh, I have a speech impediment, Tina.
- Tina Belcher: Well, fix it.
- Gene Belcher: [about the Deuce] He gave us his magic and then he disappeared. Just like Toad the Wet Sprocket.