Doctor Who (TV Series)

The Church on Ruby Road (2023)

Barney Wilkinson: Policeman

Quotes 

• [the Doctor has just saved a woman with a pram from being crushed by an enormous snowman shop display. A policeman rushes over] 

  Policeman : I'm sorry, report... I'm gonna have to report this.

  The Doctor : OK. Name: the Doctor. Occupation: not a doctor. Current status: just passing by. Employer: myself. Address: that blue box over there.

  [Points to TARDIS] 

  The Doctor : Now, if you don't mind, I just got snowmanned, and I would like to go home.

  Policeman : Erm...

  [He trails after the Doctor, who is heading to the TARDIS] 

  Policeman : Doctor what, would that be?

  The Doctor : Just the Doctor.

  [as he enters the police box his sonic pings] 

  The Doctor : She's going to say yes.

  Policeman : Who is?

  The Doctor : Your girlfriend, when you ask her to marry you on Christmas Day.

  Policeman : How do you know that?

  The Doctor : Cos my sonic screwdriver just went ping.

  Policeman : That's a screwdriver?

  The Doctor : Which is sonic. And that precise ping is detecting a two-carat diamond in your pocket, which says engagement ring. And I'm guessing she's a she, cos 91% of men wouldn't choose a diamond. Plus Christmas Day; it's obvious.

  Policeman : But how do you know she'll say yes?

  The Doctor : Cos the sales start on Tuesday and you just couldn't wait. And that is why she loves you. Merry Christmas!