- Ted Mosby: Hi. I'm Ted Mosby. And exactly forty-five days from now, you and I are gonna meet. And we're gonna fall in love. And we're gonna get married, and... we're gonna have two kids. And we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is forty-five days away. But I'm here now, I guess, because I want those extra forty-five days. With you, I want each one of them. Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the forty-five seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because... I love you. I'm always gonna love you. 'Til the end of my days, and beyond. You'll see.
- [last lines]
- [Ted, Barney, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney, Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted, Twenty-Minutes-From-Now-Barney performs a choir version of Billy Joel's "The Longest Time"]
- Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Okay, guys, I've been waiting twenty years for this. Just like we practiced, no mistakes. Ready? One, two, oh, one, two, three, four!
- All: [singing] Oh-oh-oh-oh.
- Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted: For the longest...
- All: For the longest time! Oh-oh-oh-oh.
- Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted: For the longest...
- All: For the longest time! If you say goodbye to me tonight.
- Twenty-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Ooh-ooh-ooh!
- Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted: There would still be music left to write!
- Ted Mosby, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Dum-dum-dum-dum...
- Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted, Twenty-Minutes-From-Now-Barney: Aah-aah-aah-aah!
- Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted: What else could I do? I'm so inspired by you.
- All: That hasn't happened for the longest time!
- Ted Mosby: You're saying it's doomed completely, one of us is just guaranteed to get sick of the other and call it quits?
- Coat Check Girl: You've been dating for a long time, Ted. Has it ever gone any other way?
- Robin Scherbatsky: [about a dance-off] Marshall it doesn't matter. Cause you'd lose anyway and you know why? Cause I'm Sparkles bitch!
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh and you think you can step up to me? You think you could step up to the streets? To me? You think you could step up, over me, to the streets?
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Message on bathroom wall] Dear Marshall, I know this is a strange way to apologize, but I'm sorry I let Carl name your drink after me. Why didn't I say something? Gosh, I guess that goes back to my childhood. Did you know that for the two first years of my life, my dad treated me like a cat? Seriously. I wasn't permitted on the furniture, I had to bathe myself, and I was only allowed to poop in a box. Ironic that this all comes out in a bathroom. A place that for so long I yearned to be. This tiled prison that eluded my saddened grasp was a haven. The unreachable. When I finally did demand a bathroom visit, my dad applauded my moxie. And that's the only time my father ever said he was proud of me. Maybe that's why I stole credit for your drink. Maybe that's why I needed to pour my heart out like this. Or maybe I wrote this so you'd be in here long enough for a lady to walk in, causing you to freak out and hide in the stall.
- [Some girls walk in the bathroom and Marshall runs into the nearest stall. Robins message continues]
- Robin Scherbatsky: GOTCHA! Love, Robin - creator of the Robin Scherbatsky
- Barney Stinson: It's gonna be legen... wait 20 years for it!...
- Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: ...dary!
- Barney Stinson, Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Legendary!
- Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: Hey Ted, what's this I hear slash remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
- [Ted and Barney have just talked to the versions of them "20 years from now" and are about to go to "Robots vs. Wrestlers," but are stopped by another version of Ted]
- Ted Mosby: Not so fast. Barney, Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, 20-Years-From-Now-Ted...
- Barney Stinson: Who are you?
- Ted Mosby: I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted. And you bastards aren't going anywhere.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Marshall is bitter because a drink he conceptualized at MacLaren's is named after Robin] It's my usual!
- Marshall Eriksen: Immaterial! If it's gonna be named after anybody, it should be the Marshall Eriksen.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Sorry, it's the Robin Scherbatsky, read it and weep.
- Marshall Eriksen: So you're gonna Zuckerberg me? Alright, you're Zuckerberging me? It's fine, I'll see you in court, a little court called the dance floor. Dance-off now!
- Lily Aldrin: No, no dancing. Marshall, we've been through this. The doctor said your dancer's hip is worse than ever, you have to lay off dancing for a while.
- Marshall Eriksen: You're killing me, Lily! You're killing me! I'm an adult, you have to let me dance my own battles.
- Ted Mosby: Okay, how about this: we go to Robots vs Wrestlers, but I don't drink too much.
- Barney: Interesting...
- Twenty-Hours-From-Now-Ted: I'm good with that.
- Twenty-Years-From-Now-Barney: No, forget it! If Ted doesn't get wasted, there's no way he'll end up making out with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot!
- Ted Mosby: Wait, I kiss a female robot?
- Twenty-Years-From-Now-Ted: Oh, you do a lot more than that!