- Larry Bird: Let's call the police.
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: Oh honey, they split up in the '80s. Now Sting's off doing his own thing.
- Debbie Weaver: You have no documentation, very silly names, all of you are dressed alike, you have that spaceship in your garage...
- Marty Weaver: Larry, you want this to end up like E.T.? Huh? Bubble over your house, you lying naked and chapped in some drainage ditch?
- Larry Bird: Is that how it ended?
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: No.
- Larry Bird: I never saw the end!
- Reporter: If you could tell the greater New Jersey area one thing about your son, what would it be?
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: He does not have a tail.
- Dick Butkus: It appears all is lost. Why are you smiling, father?
- Larry Bird: Because this is the low point. And if I've learned anything from musicals, it's right after the lowest point that everything turns around. The main song is reprised, but with a new, potentially opposite message to the first song!
- Abby Weaver: Hey Debbie, where's your copy of Magic Mike?
- Debbie Weaver: You're not watching Magic Mike.
- Abby Weaver: Fine, I'll illegally download it from the internet.
- Debbie Weaver: Dick are you Ok?
- Dick Butkus: I'm Well.
- Jackie Joyner-Kersee: Stop that Dick!
- Larry Bird: It's Not Punny!