- Dwight Schrute: Michael... I can't believe you came.
- Michael Scott: [choking up] That's what she said.
- Pam Halpert: [last line of the series] There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?
- Andy Bernard: The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be. I've got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they're the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you're in "the good old days", before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.
- Michael Scott: [to the camera] I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream!
- Pam Halpert: I didn't watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I'm a tragic person. I'm really happy now. But... it would just... just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself "be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn't that long."
- Dwight Schrute: Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So... have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So... yes. I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates.
- Darryl Philbin: Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?
- Andy Bernard: I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
- Phyllis Vance: Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome.
- Jim Halpert: Thanks Phyl.
- Creed Bratton: I still have my medal from that.
- Angela Schrute: Do you even have a mattress?
- Creed Bratton: No, but I still have my medal from that.
- Creed Bratton: It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But no matter how to get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift of making that place their home.
- Dwight Schrute: [Speaking to camera] PBS, the propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates.
- [Looks directly at camera]
- Dwight Schrute: And viewers like you.
- Dwight Schrute: I brought in some new faces and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band "The Grass Roots" in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.
- Erin's Biological Mother: I have a question for Erin.
- Erin Hannon: Really?
- Erin's Biological Mother: Yes, um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother.
- Erin Hannon: Thank you.
- Erin's Biological Mother: So, my, my question is, um, don't you hate her? I mean, I would, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her.
- Erin Hannon: Maybe sometimes, but not like *hate* hate. More just like, "Mom, I hate you!" And then she would say "Go to your room, young lady!" And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we just have dinner together. But I don't know, I'd have to meet her. Thanks.
- Erin's Biological Mother: Erin?
- Erin Hannon: Yes?
- Erin's Biological Mother: Oh... oh... Erin?
- [everyone on stage realizes this is Erin's mother, and looks at Erin]
- Erin Hannon: [still oblivious] Yes, is there a follow, a follow-up question?
- [long pause, Erin suddenly understands]
- Erin Hannon: Mom?
- [She runs to her mother and hugs her, entire room applauds]
- Erin's Biological Father: Erin, same question, but about your dad?
- Phyllis Vance: I'm happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, hey, Jim, I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.
- Clark: Great, now we got three hours to fill.
- Audience Member: Do you feel that your life feels pointless now that nobody's filming you any more?
- Toby Flenderson: Yes.
- Pam Halpert: I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing.
- Jim Halpert: Athleap.
- Pam Halpert: And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat. We'll come back to this, but I think it's time for us to officially...
- Dwight Schrute: No, don't say it. You're both fired.
- Jim Halpert: Dwight, come on. Don't end on a bad note.
- Dwight Schrute: Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance. The best I can do is one month for every year you've been here. That's the max.
- Pam Halpert: Thanks, Dwight.
- Angela Schrute: D, it's gonna be perfect! The only people that need to be there are you and me.
- Dwight Schrute: Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him.
- Angela Schrute: I don't... I don't know why.
- Dwight Schrute: It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job.
- Kevin Malone: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
- Dwight Schrute: No, really. You were terrible at math, and organization, time management, personal hygiene, your internet searches were so filthy, we had to throw out your computer.
- Kevin Malone: Is that all it was?
- Dwight Schrute: Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had stopped sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
- Jim Halpert: Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.
- Jakey the Stripper: Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever.
- Phyllis Vance: Angela, special repairman is here.
- Angela Schrute: Wait, what is this?
- Meredith Palmer: Shut up! Jakey?
- Jakey the Stripper: Mom?
- Pam Halpert: Wait, wait, what?
- Jakey the Stripper: Oh man!
- Meredith Palmer: No no no no, just do your work. Pretend Mom's not here.
- Pam Halpert: That seems inappropriate.
- Meredith Palmer: Give 'em a good show, my little entrepreneur.