- Barney Stinson: Ted what is my one rule?
- Ted Mosby: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
- Barney Stinson: My other one rule
- Ted Mosby: Flax seed relieves upset stomach?
- Barney Stinson: My other one rule
- Ted Mosby: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
- Barney Stinson: My other one rule
- Ted Mosby: Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there?
- Barney Stinson: My other one rule
- Ted Mosby: New is always better?
- Barney Stinson: New is always better!
- Barney Stinson: [Ted just announced that he's bringing Jeanette to the wedding] You're bringing a plus one?
- Robin Scherbatsky: If you count the voices in her head it's plus five!
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Barney tries to explain to Robin why the Playbook still exists] You really think this is just about a book Barney? You lied to me, and if we're gonna be in a marriage and trust each other, you can't lie to me. Ever.
- Barney Stinson: Really, well that's just great, because in case you haven't noticed, these last eight years, lying is what I do best.
- [Begins pulling out various magic tricks]
- Barney Stinson: I'm a magician, Robin. Misdirection and deceit are my stock and trade. You don't want me to lie to you? Lies are the reason that we're together. Every single thing I did to you to get you to say "Yes" to me on that rooftop - Patrice, the false engagement, everything - it was all utter malarkey, but underneath... all of those lies is one true thing - one true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world and that's the fact that I love you, and you know that when I say that, I'm not lying.
- Lily Aldrin: So, there's this big gallery opening tonight...
- Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this, hum...
- Barney Stinson: Genesis reunion. Madison Square Garden. Front row. It's gonna be legen...
- Lily Aldrin: I wasn't inviting you guys.
- Barney Stinson: Oh, thank God! There is no concert.
- Ted Mosby: Jeannette, this is great. We're back together, you're coming to Barney and Robin's wedding. I found two wine glasses you didn't smash. Call me crazy, but I got a feeling that from hereon out it will be blue skies and...
- Jeanette Peterson: What THE HELL...
- [shows Playbook]
- Jeanette Peterson: IS THIS?
- Ted Mosby: Your wedding response card as promised.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
- Ted Mosby: Oh, see, that's sad, Robin. You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
- Robin Scherbatsky: You wanted to keep the stamp?
- Ted Mosby: They're 46 cents now! It's getting out of hand!