Family Guy (TV Series)

Chris Cross (2013)

Mike Henry: Mr. Herbert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chris Griffin : Mr. Herbert, it's 6:00. I'm-I'm not really tired yet.

  Mr. Herbert : Well, you had those three cups of Nyquil. You'll be down soon enough.

• Mr. Herbert : Chris, what did you do with my videotapes? I had a whole system.

  Chris Griffin : I was trying to find a good movie to watch. I've never even heard of most of these. "Jeffrey at the park"? "Mikey's scoliosis exam"? "Nephew summersault compilation"?

  Mr. Herbert : Well, even if you never heard of them, I assume you heard of the alphabet. You want to explain to me how "Sammy popsicle" comes before "Napping, various"?

  Chris Griffin : Jeez, I'm sorry. Well, can we watch "Lost Boys"? I've heard of that one.

  Mr. Herbert : [quickly taking it back]  Those... those are different lost boys.

• Chris Griffin : Mr. Herbert, what's life really all about?

  Mr. Herbert : Well, I suppose it's about trying new things; sampling the sweet and the savory; not being afraid to take everything life wants to throw up on into ya.

  Chris Griffin : Wow. I never looked at it like that before. Thanks, Mr. Herbert.

  [he turns the light above his head off; turning it back on, Herbert's bed is pushed closer to his] 

  Chris Griffin : But don't you think it's scary to try new things?

  Mr. Herbert : No, Chris. Life is like a new baseball glove. At first, you think you're never gonna get a ball in there. But then you oil it up, work your fingers around in there a little, and pretty soon, you're pitching and catching.

  Chris Griffin : I guess that makes sense.

  [turning the light off again, he accidentally farts] 

  Chris Griffin : Sorry.

  Mr. Herbert : [turning his light on, the bed is back in its original position]  You really know how to waste a Cialis, don't you?

• Chris Griffin : I can't do this anymore.

  Meg Griffin : Well, you should have thought of that before you stole money out of Mom's purse. I own you. Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go downtown and get the stuff from my PO box.

  Chris Griffin : You... you don't get your mail here?

  Meg Griffin : No, I get a lot of private correspondence from the Netherlands.

  Chris Griffin : Like what?

  Meg Griffin : Like, I'm part of a group that kind of trashes Anne Frank's house every year.

  Chris Griffin : You know what? No. That's it. I'm not... I'm not doing any more of your crap, Meg.

  Meg Griffin : Chris, don't you see? You have no choice. I'll just go tell Mom and Dad about the money and they'll ground your ass for a year.

  Chris Griffin : I don't care, tell 'em. 'Cause I'm not even gonna be here. I'm gonna run away and no one'll ever see me again.

  Meg Griffin : Good, go. And who's even gonna miss you? You're just a little thief.

  [following him down the stairs] 

  Meg Griffin : Where you going, Chris? Wh... who are you gonna turn to? You don't even have any friends.

  Chris Griffin : [cut to him ringing the doorbell of another house]  Hi. I ran away from home. Do you mind if I live with you?

  Mr. Herbert : Live with me? My goodness, I feel like I want to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming.

  [pinching his arm, a vein turns purple] 

  Mr. Herbert : Hot dog, it's real.