- Nick's father visits and Nick is upset. Nick thinks his con-man father is just in town to pull another scheme. Jess tries to find a way to repair their relationship. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Robby try to win Cece back into their hearts.
- The group plays a game of "feely cup," which involves Nick putting his hand in a mug and trying to guess what's in it. (It's not a baby carrot or a battery.)
Nick's dad (Dennis Farina) drops by and recognizes the game. He immediately identifies the object as a tampon wrapped in duct tape and dipped in baby powder.
Nick tries to seem happy to see him, even when he announces he's taking Nick's bed. Walt Miller is a con man, according to Schmidt. Winston is fascinated by him.
Nick comes in to angry-fix the sink, banging on it as he explains this might be why he has trust issues and anger.
Later at dinner, Walt tells the story of the time little Nick got a tick at the end of his penis, earning him the nickname "Little Penis." Jess is charmed by him.
"Because that's what he does: He lures you in with his charm, and his mustache and his perfect hair," Nick explains.
Ordering drinks at the bar, Schmidt tries not to care about the Indian dude Cece is dating.
Jess urges Walt to talk to Nick, saying she believes in second chances. He asks her if she's ever been to the track.
Walt takes everyone to the track. He gives Nick money to make a bet.
Schmidt spies on Cece on her date with an old Indian dude. He sees Robby at the next table over, doing the same thing. Cece busts them.
Walt tells Jess that all Nick wanted as a kid was to own a horse. Jess thinks that's odd since Nick hates living things. Walt tells Jess he found one to buy and she's going to help talk the seller down.
Cut to Jess pretending to be a vet student as she negatively evaluates the horse Walt's interested in, in front of other prospective buyers. She downgrades it for bad split ends.
Winston, whose dad left when he was three, thinks Nick should go easy on Walt, even though he owes Winston $1,100. Nick realizes Walt's with Jess and is most likely going to rip her off.
Schmidt and Robby commiserate over Cece. Schmidt wants to get Cece back with Robby and then "smite" him. Robby only likes the first part of the plan.
Nick finds Walt and Jess. She tells Nick they made his childhood dream come true. Nick never wanted a horse. And she might have given Walt money.
At the loft, Nick tells Walt that Jess will believe anything. He proves it, telling her: "My real name is Jameel." "It is?" she asks.
Walt claims he has plans to resell the horse at a profit and Nick insists on going along, despite the fact that lying makes him sweat.
Schmidt and Robby brainstorm ways to impress Cece, including a barber shop quartet and self-immolation. Cut to them pounding on Cece's door chanting "cool guy power!" She answers the door wearing a traditional sari. The apartment is packed with Indians. She can't go on a date with Paven until their families meet -- she was meeting his uncle earlier. Robby thinks Paven is gorgeous.
Robby and Schmidt give each other complimentary pep talks and leave.
At the midnight horse deal, Nick asks Jess to wait in the car. Nick is already sweating profusely. When the buyers see him sweating, they think he's a cop and might be wearing a wire. They order him to strip and dance. He prances like a monkey in his wife beater and boxers.
He insists he's not a cop, he just sweats when he's lying. When the buyer takes out a tire iron, Nick fakes a diabetic seizure.
The buyers take off, and so does Jess, saying she's forcing Walt and Nick to talk to each other.
"I have been mad at you for 30 years. I am not a successful adult! I do not eat vegetables and/or take care of myself, and it's because of you!" Nick says.
He just wants his dad to say sorry, but instead Walt offers Nick his pants, which the horse eats.
Walt admits he made some mistakes. He offers to take Nick to a game tomorrow.
Schmidt and Robby share beers at the loft.
The next morning, Jess catches Walt sneaking out. She tries to keep him from leaving, but he distracts her by pointing at nothing and tells her to keep an eye on Nick.
Nick finds Jess angry hammering on the sink and urges her to put on goggles. "Your eyes are twice the size of normal eyes. It's a bigger target," he says.
Jess tells Nick his dad left. Nick is surprisingly OK with it. "If someone's broken, they just stay broken," he says. Jess tells him he's not and should be much worse than he is.
"There's a lot I don't tell you. I haven't done laundry in five months. I'm not wearing underwear, I'm just wearing a big sock right now," he says.
Schmidt and Robby continue brainstorming ways to win Cece back including a three person canoe, night vision goggles and joining the Navy.
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