A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)

Charlize Theron: Anna

Photos 

Quotes 

• Anna : You're a good sheep farmer!

  Albert : Oh my god, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week.

  Anna : Really?

  Albert : Yeah. Wandered in there, and then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made 20 dollars.

• Anna : I don't think you should leave tomorrow. At least stay through the weekend. Isn't the fair on Saturday?

  Albert : Oh, fuck that. I'm not going to the stupid fair. Louise is gonna be there, and she's gonna be with Foy. I don't wanna put myself through that kind of fucking aggravation.

  Anna : Yeah, well, I'll go with you. No better way to make your ex-girlfriend want you back more than to let her see you with another girl.

  Albert : I don't know...

  Anna : Especially a smoking hot girl. When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as fuck.

  Albert : Oh, you're very modest, I see.

  Anna : I'm a little cocky. But I got great tits.

• Anna : There is something about connecting over mutual hatred that is just so much deeper than mutual love.

• Anna : Come on, let's go.

  Albert : No, no, no, no! I suck at dancing.

  Anna : No one will notice.

  Albert : How will they not notice?

  Anna : 'Cause you suck at everything.

• Albert : [At target practice]  I fired a gun at the shooting gallery.

  Anna : Yeah, but those are quarter loads. These are full loads.

  Albert : Okay, all right, get ready. I'm about to shoot a full load at your cans.

• Anna : God, why are the Indians always so mad?

  Albert : I don't know.

  Anna : I mean we're basically splitting this country 50/50 with them.

  Albert : They're just selfish.

• Anna : So how did you guys meet?

  Albert : She moved to town a couple of years ago to take over the schoolmarm job. Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed.

• Albert : Hey, sorry I killed your husband.

  Anna : Oh God, that was never gonna work out anyway. He was Methodist, I'm half Jewish.

  Albert : Yeah... Are you? You are?

  Anna : No.

  Albert : Oh, thank God.

  Anna : You're not really Arabic, are you?

  Albert : No, no, no, no.

  Anna : Oh, thank God, 'cause I was like,

  [mimics gun to her head] 

  Anna : Ah, kill me.

  Albert : I know, right?

• Anna : Your dick is out!

• [Albert meets Anna at the dance; she is wearing a pretty blue dress with an enormous bustle in back] 

  Anna : Hey.

  Albert : Wow. You look amazing. And a little uncomfortable.

  Anna : Oh, shit. I'm totally overdressed, aren't I?

  Albert : No.

  Anna : I've never done formal before. And the lady at the boutique told me to buy this and no one else is wearing this.

  Albert : Who cares what... These are all fuckers. You look fantastic.

  Anna : I look like Jane Austen threw up on me.

  Albert : You do not look like Jane Austen threw... No, you look absolutely beautiful. You can breathe in that thing, right?

  Anna : There's nothing I like more than putting on some loose, baggy clothes and just being able to relax.

  Albert : Yeah, this is an end-of-the-workday outfit you have on. I'm very glad I remembered the six items I somehow require to hold up my pants.

  Anna : Oh, yeah.

  Albert : I like your bustle, by the way.

  Anna : Oh, yeah. I really love that the most alluring fashion statement a woman can make today is to simulate a fat ass.

  [She lifts up part of her dress to show Albert the iron cage underneath] 

  Albert : That is a simulation of a fat ass, right there. Thank you. If I were a black guy, this is the meanest trick you could ever play on me. Because I'd be like, "Oh, my God! Look! There's a fat ass. My favorite." And I'd lift it up and I'd be like, "Oh, shit, it's a big joke."