- Bob: [as Tina is driving the car in a parking lot and is about to hit a parked car] Tina, for the love of God, turn away or stop! The brakes, Tina! On the left! You're about to hit that car! The brakes! Hit the brakes!
- Tina: [to Bob] Do I have a boyfriend in this scenario?
- Bob: Uh, we should probably just stick to the necessary facts.
- Tina: Oh, okay.
- Bob: Fine, all right, you have a secret boyfriend in this scenario, one that you can't ever talk about.
- Tina: What's his name?
- Bob: Um, Sebastian.
- Tina: He plays lacrosse and he loves me.
- Bob: Mm-hmm.
- Tina: But he loves lacrosse more.
- Bob: Uh, yeah.
- Tina: How long is his hair?
- Bob: I- I-I don't know, but it's greasy.
- Tina: Yes.
- Linda Belcher: [to Bob] Why didn't you tell me?
- Bob: Because you're terrible at keeping secrets. You just blurt everything out.
- Linda Belcher: [Flashback to Bob and Linda attending a party] Sorry we're late! Bob had diarrhea!
- Jimmy Pesto: [to Bob] Hello, Bob, want to hear a knock-knock joke?
- Bob: No.
- Jimmy Pesto: Knock-knock.
- Bob: I'm really not in the mood.
- Jimmy Pesto: Knock-knock.
- Bob: Ugh, who's there?
- Jimmy Pesto: You hit my car, dumbass.